Double Entendre' anyone?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Late for dinner, Nov 14, 2016.

  1. Late for dinner

    Late for dinner Valued Member

    It's funny but over the last few days I heard a few things that made me think of double entendres!! One person made a comment about someone teaching the English about the English language...

    So today I read something that made me laugh. A person used the term ''denier being left off the hook''. Now that can be read two ways: A person who denies something being allowed to get away. But the same sentence also means something different, the nylon stockings are have not been left hanging up. Crazy eh!?

    Here's an example/excerpt of double entendre' from the sitcom Are You Being Served by Jeremy Lloyd and David Croft.

    Mrs. Slocombe: Before we go any further, Mr. Rumbold, Miss Brahms and I would like to complain about the state of our drawers. They’re a positive disgrace.
    Mr. Rumbold: Your what, Mrs. Slocombe?
    Mrs. Slocombe: Our drawers. They’re sticking. And it’s always the same in damp weather.
    Mr. Rumbold: Really …
    Mrs. Slocombe: They sent a man who put beeswax on them, but that made them worse.
    Mr. Rumbold: I’m not surprised.
    Miss Brahms: I think they need sandpapering.

    The British are masters of this technique (Do you have any fork candles?? :' )So see if you can come up with any examples of your own! :' D

    LFD
     
  2. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    Sorry I can't think of a double entendre. If I could I'd give you one. And you'd probably love it.
     
  3. frownland

    frownland 【ツ】

    and have been since at least the 10th century. Have a look at some of the naughty jokes in the Exeter Book:

    I’m a wonderful thing, a joy to women,
    to neighbors useful. I injure no one
    who lives in a village save only my slayer.
    I stand up high and steep over the bed;
    underneath I’m shaggy. Sometimes ventures
    a young and handsome peasant’s daughter,
    a maiden proud, to lay hold on me.
    She seizes me, red, plunders my head,
    fixes on me fast, feels straightway
    what meeting me means when she thus approaches,
    a curly-haired woman. Wet is that eye.
     
  4. Late for dinner

    Late for dinner Valued Member

    Just in case reading them is too hard for some of you...

    Fork Handles eh!

    [ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAG39jKi0lI[/ame]

    LFD
     
  5. Mushroom

    Mushroom De-powered to come back better than before.

    Ah. Such classics. And so many potential NSFW/Map jokes coming.
     
  6. Ben Gash CLF

    Ben Gash CLF Valued Member

    I've been trying to cut down on double entendre, but it's just so hard.
     
  7. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    Mitchell & Webb - Bawdy Hospital - youtube it

    I am not sticking it up here because it will be received badly
     
  8. Ben Gash CLF

    Ben Gash CLF Valued Member

    Literally me at work :D
     
  9. Smitfire

    Smitfire Cactus Schlong

    I don't think the British are good at double entendres. I mean...we can handle a couple of small ones but are useless with the big ones. We just don't know where to put them.
     
  10. Late for dinner

    Late for dinner Valued Member

    Here's another list.. a bit more cosmopolitan (and cheeky):

    Read on with caution. I believe within TOS but still if you are a bit sensitive..

    Twelve of the finest double-entendres that were
    Aired on British TV & Radio.
    1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

    2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

    3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is a really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

    4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford Crew."

    5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

    6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

    7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

    8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after getting a 69 yesterday."

    9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

    10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

    11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

    12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

    LFD
     
  11. Ben Gash CLF

    Ben Gash CLF Valued Member

    Sorry, but none of them match the awesomeness of "the batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willey"
     
  12. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    source:https://adorecricket.com/a-monumentally-big-handle-cricket-innuendo-going-strong-in-2013/

     
  13. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Frodocious tells me she isn't online tonight as she's off to see her personal trainer for a fitness demonstration.

    She says she's looking forward to him showing how he gets the fat down and pounds off in front of her.
     
  14. Dead_pool

    Dead_pool Spes mea in nihil Deus MAP 2017 Moi Award

    The original classic -

    [ame="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OCbvCRkl_4U"]Two Ronnies - Four Candles - YouTube[/ame]
     
  15. Bozza Bostik

    Bozza Bostik Antichrist on Button Moon

    What was the news headline on Phoenix Nights:

    Police probe Leeds girls snatch.
     
  16. Mitch

    Mitch Lord Mitch of MAP Admin

    There is a radio panel game in the UK called I'm Sorry I haven't a Clue, which mostly consists of comedians playing silly games, some of which we have used on here.

    There is also a scorer for the game, called Samantha, and every week there is a little aside about her, some of which are priceless. :D

    "Samantha tells me she's expecting a visit from a film producer in her dressing room after the show, with news of a part he's been holding for her. He seems sure she's going to make it big."

    "Samantha has just returned from congratulating a local builder friend who successfully bid for a contract this week. He said she was delighted to see his little firm won."

    "Samantha nearly made it - she's been detained at the last minute in the city's Latin quarter. An Italian gentleman friend has promised to take her out for an ice-cream, and she likes nothing better than to spend an evening licking the nuts off a large Neapolitan."

    It's the high brow sophistication of the British media I love :D

    Mitch
     
  17. pgsmith

    pgsmith Valued dismemberer

    At the dojo last week, one of the students complained about getting hit in the head with his own bokken during a particular blocking drill. My reply was "I've told you before that you need to get it up faster!" His retort to that was "I'll keep that advice next to when you told me that if my hand ached, I was squeezing it too hard!"
     
  18. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    The MOD Team did wonder if this thread was a bit close to the knuckle, but Mitch assures us he can deftly handle any member.

    No scary posts though, as he hates having the willes put up him.
     

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