You're going home in an ambulance.

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Simon, Oct 17, 2014.

  1. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    A simple light hearted thread.

    Threats or statements intended to put off a would be aggressor.

    Stay within the ToS and no bad language please. This'll make your replies a little more inventive (hopefully).

    It can be a silly as "my dad is bigger than your dad", to one from my ex JKD instructor:

    I'll still be punching you when the ambulance comes.

    What have you?
     
  2. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    Two more from my JKD instructor:

    If you can beat me I'll pay your mortgage (yes he did actually use this).

    Not a threat, but he was doing his hair pre-fight (a competition) and when asked why he was doing his hair he replied, "when I win I want to look good in the post-fight interview".
     
  3. bassai

    bassai onwards and upwards ! Moderator Supporter

    Two of my favourites
    I'll hit you so hard you'll wear your shoes out walking back
    And
    I'll hit you with so many lefts you'll beg for a right.
     
  4. holyheadjch

    holyheadjch Valued Member

    "You got a problem?"
    "No"
    "Do you want one?"
    "No"
    "Then...go away"

    Works really well on mouthy kids. Try it - chances are, they'll cry.
     
  5. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    All that aggression really excites me!

    Not sure whether I was diffusing or adding fuel but I'm known for saying the wrong thing?
     
  6. Dan Bian

    Dan Bian Neither Dan, nor Brian

    All this macho stuff really turns me on ;)
     
  7. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    There's three of you and only one of me.

    Never mind I'll give you a chance (good luck with this one).
     
  8. Mangosteen

    Mangosteen Hold strong not

    From a movie involving pre-gracie MMA and Channing Tatum
    Just before the final fight the announcer says:

    "In the words of the great American poet, Mr. Marvin Gaye; LETS. GET. IT. ON!"
     
  9. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    Ones I have successfully used (not the sweary ones which outnumber these by a ratio of about 50:1)

    "There are two way this can end for you and one of them is conscious"

    "You might be stupid enough to fight me, but you ain't good enough"

    "Does you body have an address I can mail your head to?"
     
  10. Ben Gash CLF

    Ben Gash CLF Valued Member

    One of my old coaches "I've got better things to be doing than beating you up".
     
  11. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    I do a variation on that - "Move along, I have no desire to stamp on every dog turd I come across"
     
  12. Simon

    Simon Administrator Admin Supporter MAP 2017 Koyo Award

    I got told of a road rage incident where one party was real calm. he said to the other driver, "do you recall being born".

    A look of confusion came over the other driver and the question was repeated.

    When an explanation was necessary the first guy calmly said, well we're going to replicate it when I pull you through the little window there in front of you".
     
  13. Hannibal

    Hannibal Cry HAVOC and let slip the Dogs of War!!! Supporter

    True story (allegedly) - Naz once visited Phoenix Gym in Manc and talked smack to one of the boxers, who was a scally.

    Naz - "You're ugly"
    R: "So are you"
    Naz: "not as ugly as you"
    R: "You will be when I take you outside and smash your teeth out on the curb"
    Naz: "........ok, man I was just playin"
     
  14. Bozza Bostik

    Bozza Bostik Antichrist on Button Moon

    A psycho mate of mine used a less polite version of this classic to someone once. The guy put the knife away and walked off. Best for all involved really.

    [ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ks7-A-7Zvak[/ame]
     
  15. ap Oweyn

    ap Oweyn Ret. Supporter

    I can't imagine uttering any of these in real life. But if I were writing some hard-boiled detective character for the pulps, I'd want something like:

    "I'm gonna punch you so hard that MY life flashes before your eyes."

    It's ridiculous. And it would almost certainly be followed by a scene in which my protagonist gets pummeled for his trouble. :)
     
  16. Bozza Bostik

    Bozza Bostik Antichrist on Button Moon

    I'd read a book that had parts like that! Love a rubbish main character.
     
  17. 8limbs38112

    8limbs38112 Valued Member

    If someone wants to attack me, I'd try to act like Pai Mei on kill bill.

    Me: You do know I kill at will don't you?

    Them: Huh.

    Me: And don't you know I despise the Americans.


    We'll see how that works out for me the day I am forced to intimidate an aggressor.
    And hopefully they haven't seen the movie.
     
  18. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    One of the best diffusing techniques I've heard (without breaking TOS) is:

    "You're going home in a cosmic ambience."
     
  19. armanox

    armanox Kick this Ginger...

    I saw someone replied when a knife was pulled on them, "Go ahead, stab me. But I'm going to kill you."
     
  20. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    I've actually found that to be a fairly common response.

    I know at least 3 people who've said something along the lines of "are you going to use that" or "come on, get it out" (ooh-err) as someone got their hand in their pocket during a confrontation and the other party ran off.
     

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