I have had it up to here with my step mom

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by Stingrae789, Nov 25, 2004.

  1. Stingrae789

    Stingrae789 Valued Member

    This is a rant but one that i need to get out of my system. *bare in mind i just got train tracks, so i am not happy anyway*

    Ok here we go, My step mom is so annoying, she is constantly implying me to do stuff with out saying it to my face, then when she does talk she treats me like a child and thinks i need reminding of what i still have to do 'Lliam's bed isnt made' and 'we need to get a move on so WE can use the bathroom' also it seems that whenever talk of my mom coming to england she seems to go sort of wacko and puts on an evil stare etc. and she has done this for the past year and we have come to argue a dozen times and everytime i always have to bow down to her because its her house, eventhough i have my dad here. i am just in a lose, lose situation, she wont speak to me as an equal and no matter how much i have tried to be friendly, make cups of tea, help with this and that etc. it just adds up to nothing, i still get treated like a little kid and it just makes a rage build inside me like when you absoulutely hate everything. Its like she still sees me as the kid i was 5 years ago, the one who battled with homework and couldnt eat with a knife and fork properly but i have to say that i never bothered with homework and because of that i was told to go live with my dad for a term; true my homework improved but afterwards my dad didnt want me to visit more often (i mean my moms nice and would have liked a few weekends off). But now everything has changed i had to move to england because my dad could not support my school fee's at the time, he moved aprox one year after i was sent to stay with him for a term. But i am not that person because my mom was right i didnt need to do the homework because it wasnt too important or interesting, she always said that once it got interesting i would thrive and i do; I am predicted grades A-C in all my subjects maths been my lowest at a C (which isnt good because my mother is a maths teacher and my father is a PHD chemist but i did miss out on the sllabus here as i only started on english syllabus last year.) Ok enough history. I have a friend who is a year older then me and is moving away because of his step father and having arguments etc and i can see that happening with me. I also seem to have a problem of talking to my parents as equals which i shouldnt but it levels the playing ground*oh and now i sound stupid as i have a plate*orthodontics* which messes up my s' and t's* I think my step mom is afraid of been proven dumb by me as i am pretty smart but she will through it back as been cheeky etc. when i like arguing * i used to be in a debating club :)* I know other adults do not view me as cheeky as all my teachers seem to be friendly towards me. The biggest thing is that when i have exams or something that hurts, she expects me to carry on as usual, i mean !!!! i need to revise so i cant iron but now i must take my ironing up stairs and put it in the room i share with my half brother lliam :mad: and she tells me this while i am concentrating on writing a mock exam at home because i had to get these damn train tracks today. but if its not ironing its mowing the lawn or unpacking the dishwasher and all i wanna do is SWEAR!!!! at her and say look you want it done so bad do it your self. But i dont because i would prefer to sleep in a house. If she minded her own bussiness i would be fine, i mean now i am just like going to break something as this hate/hate relationship has gone on for a year and a few months and my dad does nothing to talk to her (as he is the only one who can since he is an adult and i am a little tiny kid). I mean he is tired of her doing this but does nothing and doesnt listen as he has his own problems with her and i dont want to hear that its PMS, hormones etc. as it happens so often.

    On a brighter note my mom comes to england to work on the 30th :) so i should see her soon, hopefully.
     
  2. Visage

    Visage Banned Banned

    Sorry to hear about your troubles.

    But perhaps this would have made a good journal entry?
     
  3. JohnnyX

    JohnnyX Map Addict

    Great advice! :)
     
  4. Stingrae789

    Stingrae789 Valued Member

    I wouldnt like something negative in my journal, i want to start it when i have some good thoughts in my head :eek: but you are probably right lol
     
  5. Visage

    Visage Banned Banned

    You can always make the entry private if you didnt want "negative" stuff to cloud it ;)

    Again, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Perhaps you could take your dad aside at some point, and have a real conversation with him about the issues you're having with your step-mom. Not just a quick "in passing", but a sit down discussion. And maybe even bring your step mom into as well, and hear her side to the story? You might find that she doesnt realise how much this is upsetting you. Trying to get it all out in the air in a peaceful, controlled situation might make it better for all concerned.
    Whatever you choose to do, good luck ;)
     
  6. Wax

    Wax Valued Member

    I feel you pain, I had the same problem when Dad got married. She turned out to be a scitzophrenic and they got divorced but not before I had moved back with mum with post traumatic stress disorder. Most of the memories are still repressed (and will hopefully stay that way). The worst of it was when she started to choke me, on holidays, infront of my grandma!.

    The best you can do is confront her about it. Show her that you are more mature than she gives you credit for and explain your need for a study routine.
     
  7. MarioBro

    MarioBro Banned Banned

    Look at this mess! Please seperate into paragraphs...arggg! Drives me nuts! I read a couple of lines and my eyes started going buggy...
     
  8. d33pthought

    d33pthought New Member

    You had to quote the whole thing, didn't you?

    Well, my advice to the ranter is: Why not tell your dad what you told us? I'm sure he'd have more leverage with your step mom than you do.
     
  9. teacher

    teacher Valued Member

    If you feel you cant talk to your dad at least talk to a teacher when it is getting too much for you.
    You said that there are some who are freindly.You know that just being able to talk it out at least relieves some of the pressure. They might even have a few pieces of advice for you that strangers couldn't provide.
    The bad news is growing up is often frustrating and difficult. The good news is that you seem to be making a good start.
    Best wishes :D
     
  10. Stingrae789

    Stingrae789 Valued Member

    I cnat really speak well now i have a plate in the top of my mouth, we got to speaking about it but as usual still unresolved.

    sorry my english isn't the best, hope your eyes get beter ;)
     
  11. gaz shaw

    gaz shaw New Member

    u should stand up to her she wont chuck u out with ur dad there, other wise she would face losing him
     
  12. oldshadow

    oldshadow Valued Member

    You need an responsible adult to talk to. It’s OK to rant here but if the school has a counselor to talk to it might help. They might also give you some hints on how to improve the situation at home. You are in a hard spot so it might be good to have a trusted out side adult to help.
     
  13. Ikken Hisatsu

    Ikken Hisatsu New Member

    paragraphs and grammar are you friends
     
  14. Capt Ann

    Capt Ann Valued Member

    Anybody mind a few words from an old lady?

    Having seen some of this from both sides, I *might* have some insight. Please accept what you can, and throw out the rest.

    When I was preparring to marry my husband, his five-year-old son was very worried. His father had a long talk with him. You see, the son liked me a lot, but he was worried that after we got married, I would become his stepmother (and everyone *knows* stepmothers, in all the stories, are always evil). His father reassured him that, if he liked me now, I wouldn't change that much, and I would NOT become an evil stepmother.

    It was funny at the time, but it highlighted a very difficult situation. I could never replace his Mom, and I didn't want to. As much as I liked him, no matter how much I loved him, I would never be his 'real' Mom. No matter how much I gave, or cared, or prayed, or was interested in his life, or whatever, I would never be the one who had paced the floors with him when he was an infant, or who watched his first steps, or who picked him up when he fell off his bike, or who stayed up at night with him when he had a fever. When my husband and I moved to another state, these problems only became bigger. Now my son is finishing college. I am proud of him. I love him, but I still feel awkward, and real communication is difficult.

    As hard as you see this situation is for you, please remember that this is *not* easy for your stepmom. She loves your father, or they wouldn't have married. (And if I know anything about fathers, I'd say she loves you too, or your father never would have agreed to marry her.) Marriage makes you ALL one family (not several pieces of two or three families).

    A lot of the problems you described are *NOT* related to problems with you and your stepmom: they are normal things that happen to EVERY son growing up in ANY household. EVERY son thinks he is more mature than his parents give him credit for. EVERY parent remembers their child as that stubborn little kid with a pouty-face, even when they are 23. Quite honestly, the answer is somewhere in between. No offense, but just from expereince, I'd guess that you are more mature than your folks give you credit for, but less mature than you think :). Remember that you are where you are and your folks are where they are in life, but your folks also *have been* where you are now.

    You ARE one family. There is nothing wrong with your stepmom asking (and yes, even expecting) you to help with ironing, dishes, cleaning, vacuuming, etc. It's part of the whole family thing....all working together to make the whole family work (and don't worry, this doesn't go over very well with my two sons and one daughter, either...but it's still true :) ) PLEASE. Stick it out and MAKE it work. I can promise you, you would have this many or more problems with brothers/sisters, or if your Mom remarried and you lived with them, or even just living with your biological Mom and Dad if they were together. Making your family work is worth the effort it takes, and is a fight worthy of any martial artist.
     
  15. Stingrae789

    Stingrae789 Valued Member

    i have no problems with doing ironing etc (i just dont like it to much, which is expected), I have a problem with it when i have had a tough week, nobody even asks about how my week has been, nobody thinks that maybe i am tired aswell as themselves, nobody thinks that i have a ton of stuff to do (homework, MA practice, have some fun maybe :rolleyes:).

    i end up spending my life in this computer room as it has internet and no annoying or sleeping half brother. i dont have a games console like most of my friends and i wouldnt get to play on it as someone is always watching TV.

    I have two sides of a double bladed axe here: one is my mother, who did everyting she could to not be like her parents who she didnt like much and two my father who defends my step mom saying thats how her parents treated her.

    I don't like been disrespected by anyone, its fine when its a punishment or say something that i actually did but i feel that if i my life would be so much easier if i was just left alone as my step mom as a tone in her voice which makes my blood boil ( i dont like it but it happens) or she could try and treat me like i am twice as old as her daughter (my step sister).
     
  16. choconutjoe

    choconutjoe New Member

    A close freind of mine had a step-dad who was a complete utter "horrible person". Anyway my freind grew up and ended up bigger and stronger than his step-dad, and one day he punched him in the face and floored him. It solved the problem, contrary to the lies they teach you at school, violence does have its place in problem resolution.

    Obviously it might not be a good idea to punch your step-mum. But maybe you can apply the principle in the metaphorical sense.
    Maybe if she realises that you are more intelligent than her then she might give you a bit more respect. But whatever you do DON'T punch her :D
     
  17. Stingrae789

    Stingrae789 Valued Member

    I avoid punching people :D
     
  18. zenmonk

    zenmonk Valued Member

    "It solved the problem"... Gee. Does this mean that step-dad became a loving person and there was love and peace and everybody was happy... phew it scares me what people say about how "problem was solved"... :rolleyes:


    @Stingrae789: I would suggest you to read this book: "How to win Friends and Influence People" (by Dale Carnegie). Even if you don't like reading you could borrow it from your local library and check some chapters there... I'm pretty sure it can help you.

    I don't know your situation nor have been nor seen the situation where you are but what Capt Ann said here is the key - think of it from the point-of-view of others. Discuss the issues... but don't have the blaming attitude, don't think "what others have done to me and how badly I was treated", try to think "what I can do to solve the problem" - don't try to find a person whose fault this is (you won't find one person who is the root of evil - there is no certain evil person trying to ruin everything). Try to find the reasons why the situation is like it is. Ask each others what they want and also tell people what you want. In friendly manner. As Capt Ann said - You are one family. Avoiding her won't solve the problem. But discussing might help. If you feel your dad is not in your side think of it from his point-of-view. What would you do if you were your dad? What he would want? What your step-mom wants?

    Hope the situation gets better. All the best.
     

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