Conflicts about Tournaments

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by KaienSekai, May 5, 2017.

  1. KaienSekai

    KaienSekai Valued Member

    I wasn't sure what to title this. But my problem is that there is a tournament in June and my instructor is peer pressuring me into competing in it. Don't get me wrong I love competing because it allows me to reach further into my potential. Though having just graduated with college I'm struggling in debt and would rather work than compete in the tournament. My instructor really doesn't seem to understand this struggle I'm having. So I feel like I have to lie to him about it that I'm planning to compete at least after our next grading this month then I plan to disappear until the Fall when I can return to the studio normally.

    So I was wondering what else I could really do to make him understand that I much bigger commitments I have. My fiancee said that my instructor probably gets something out of me competing since he doesn't really have any selling points for me other than I could get the end of the year thorpy at the banquet but I really can't stand fancy events since my fiancee already makes me go to those types of thing and if I can avoid another one then I wouldn't have any complaints about that. So is there any nice way of telling my instructor about how I'm feeling?
     
  2. Nachi

    Nachi Valued Member Supporter

    Wow, I think your instructor should be more understanding, especially when it comes to your situation, that is pretty normal and it's logical you can't compete at the moment. I would just tell him the facts. It is strange he didn't take them to heart. I don't know how easy or difficult it is to talk with your instructor, but you can maybe try to tell him once again that you are simply not going, because of your commitments and financial situation? He shouldn't force you, it is strange. It would be a pity (both for you and him), if you skipped months of training just because he can't listen...
    Not much of and advise, but the best think should be to try to talk it out with him. Good luck to you.
     
  3. Latikos

    Latikos Valued Member

    Being honest about it and staying by your point would be my advise.

    What I think is pretty much an... well, not so nice move: Lying, taking the grading and just disappear.
    That's just disrespectful and something I would frown upon to say the least.

    Plus I wouldn't be surprised, if he weren't too happy if you would just reappear and expect it to be fine like that.

    You don't want to compete in your situation? Fair enough.
    Makes sense.
    Most people have to take their everyday life more serious then the sport - but that is something I would communicate to him like that.
    If he doesn't get it, it would be a shame; but that would be his problem, not yours.
    You are being sensible in the moment, and if one of you two knows what's better in your current situation, chances are it is you.
     
  4. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    If you're not under any obligation to compete then don't. Simple. Tell the instructor you don't want to do it and if he says otherwise tell him to jog on.
     
  5. Unreal Combat

    Unreal Combat Valued Member

  6. Thomas

    Thomas Combat Hapkido/Taekwondo

    My advice would be to discuss this with your instructor honestly and openly. If you have decided not to compete, let him/her know clearly, with no 'maybes' or 'possibly'. Tell him/her why (the whole work thing) and then get back to training.

    As a side note, is the competition part required (or recommended) for grading? Is this why the instructor is pushing it? I remember when I was studying Taekwondo, it was highly recommended that you competed at least once before 1st dan.

    I would avoid the whole 'lie and stay away' approach. As an instructor, if I knew a student had done this before or was planning to do this, it would impact my trust (and respect) level for the student.
     
  7. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    Completely agree. You don't even want to take one step down that path. Honesty all the time, or stay home.

    Fiance, you said? Congratulations! :heart:
     
  8. Matt F

    Matt F Valued Member

    If he doesn't take no for an answer to in a mature, understanding way then say bye and move on.
    Things like that this can be the weird side of martial arts. At the end of the day you pay money to train, for a service that they offer, not to become some kind of slave to the instructor or organisation. At any time it's your right to stop or start training whenever you want especially if it's for genuine reasons.
     
  9. KaienSekai

    KaienSekai Valued Member

    Yeah I think I'll just be honest and straight forward since I prefer it that way so I'll try to say it again to my instructor. But if he doesn't take it well what should I do? Should I just look for another instructor? Also I can't keep training since my summer job is second shift during the afternoon which is the only time the studio I go to is open so I have to take a break until the fall but I plan to still train on my own free time so my body get out of shape. As for competing it isn't required but I've done it already which was fun but I know I'm not missing out.
     

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