Should I find a different instructor?

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Discussion' started by KaienSekai, May 9, 2017.

  1. KaienSekai

    KaienSekai Valued Member

    So this is a follow up from my last thread. I talked to my instructor about not entering the tournament and he was like too bad. I tried to explain to him that I needed time off for the summer to work since I work a second shift job and he was like won't you have one day off during the week. And I'll only be gone for two months. Which I probably will but I would rather spend time with my fiancée. And my instructor just made feel guilty about picking my loved one over martial arts. Which I feel is messed up. I feel like my instructor just sees as some type of profit and it really ticks me off. I tried to make him happy by saying that I would still practice in my free time over the summer but he didn't seem to care. So I was wondering should I just try to find a new instructor when I decide to come back at the end of August?
     
  2. Pretty In Pink

    Pretty In Pink Moved on MAP 2017 Gold Award

    Find someone else. I could understand his point if you were a pro athlete or Olympian, but it's a part time hobby for most of us at the end of the day. Tell him to do one.
     
  3. Thomas

    Thomas Combat Hapkido/Taekwondo

    I would shop around... do some trial lessons at other available schools and see if anything else fits what you are looking for. If not, then suck it up and stay where you are... if there's something better, I wouldn't feel guilty about moving.
     
  4. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    It is messed up.


    I would shop around, yes.
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2017
  5. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    Seriously, screw that guy.

    Martial arts should enhance your life, not get in the way of it.
     
  6. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    :eek: Dude, I am so stealing that line for myself! That is a brilliant way of putting it! :happy:
     
  7. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    Feel free! :)

    It's how I've put it to students who felt bad about real life getting in the way of them training.
     
  8. KaienSekai

    KaienSekai Valued Member

    So I guess a follow up question would be should I ask my instructors permission to look at other schools since I'm aware of a few of them
     
  9. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    I don't get the question.

    Why would you need his permission?
     
  10. Dead_pool

    Dead_pool Spes mea in nihil Deus MAP 2017 Moi Award

    nope, but if you do leave its polite to inform him afterwards, its not essential though.
     
  11. Thomas

    Thomas Combat Hapkido/Taekwondo

    It can be a good idea to talk to your instructor and ask for some recommendations. Some instructors are very open about providing good ideas about where to train. It also isn't a bad idea to let your instructor know that you plan on going elsewhere, whether for a short time, long time, or forever... it doesn't hurt to maintain a good relationship - hey, maybe you'll come back some day.

    As far as asking permission to look at other schools... no. Advice, yes.
     
  12. KaienSekai

    KaienSekai Valued Member

    Thanks guys I'm glad to have a very supportive community I can ask advice for! As for why I felt like I need to ask permission I just that it would be polite. Though I feel my instructor would get offended by me leaving him
     
  13. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    Given that he's upset about you missing a tournament and taking time off, I hardly think he will give you permission to look for another dojo to train at.

    As a general rule I agree with Thomas regarding talking about other schools/teachers with your teacher, and maintaining good relationships, but in this situation -- even bringing up the subject of other places to train at will only start another argument with him, right?
     
  14. KaienSekai

    KaienSekai Valued Member

    That's true Mac. It would just start another argument so should just go another studio once I finally have time to start attending regular classes?
     
  15. Latikos

    Latikos Valued Member

    Yeah, so, yes, I know I am dumb.
    Everyone here knows, so...

    But I don't quite get it: You told him you wouldn't fight, and he was okay with it.
    Then you told him, you have work for two months, and he asked, if you couldn't just make it once a week.

    So... why is that a bad question?
    To me that seems like a normal question to ask, if I were to train someone for a while and he this someone were to tell me, he couldn't make it anymore.
    It's just... well, just a question.

    If it makes you feel guilty - which I get is not a great feeling - that's not your instructors fault, is it?
     
  16. aikiMac

    aikiMac aikido + boxing = very good Moderator Supporter

    No, he was not okay with it.
    ... Er, that's how I interpreted it, anyway.
     
  17. Latikos

    Latikos Valued Member

    Maybe it's a language barrier, but when I hear someone was "too bad" about something (I bet that sentence doesn't make sense, but maybe can be understood anyway), it sounds to me, like he was disappointed, but aside from that accepted it.
    Which would be something I could understand; I think it's okay for the instructor to be disappointed, as long as he accepts it.

    As for the second part - I still think it's a fair question to ask, if the can't even make it once a week, if the student was there regularly (which I assume he was) before.
     
  18. Dunc

    Dunc Well-Known Member Moderator Supporter

    Yes!

    I feel that the most important thing in martial arts is to find a good instructor and club/dojo/academy etc - that's more important than the style

    An instructor should be a good example for their students and therefore big enough to allow people to enjoy the training for what they want to get out of it. Trying to control your students is a lost cause anyway and suggests an "imbalance" in their personality

    Competing requires a lot of dedication/training beforehand if you're to do well so it's not for everyone all the time - in my view your instructor needs to get over themselves

    You have no obligation to ask their permission to do anything - they're only a guy/gal who runs a martial arts class
     
  19. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    It all depends on your relationship with your instructor.

    If they treat you like a customer then you have no more obligation than you would to a store clerk.

    If you treat each other as friends, colleagues, or some such mutually respective relationship, then you treat them in the way you would wish to be treated.

    If they treat you like an employee, even though you are paying them, or worse like their property, then walk away and find someone who will give you the relationship you would like.
     
  20. Thomas

    Thomas Combat Hapkido/Taekwondo

    Although, to be fair, we are only hearing one side of the conversation.
     

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