Relationship is over. How to cope when it hits home?

Discussion in 'Off Topic Area' started by u6s68, Aug 27, 2014.

  1. Hapuka

    Hapuka Te Aho

    True enough.
     
  2. Count Duckula

    Count Duckula Valued Member

    I'd ad that before you start the next relationship, figure out if you're actually compatible and move on if it turns out you aren't. Guy I know married a woman who engaged in petty theft and drug use. Eventually, his marriage blew up because he couldn't deal with her using drugs and stealing things. He told me that in retrospect, he should have listened to his brain instead of his heart.
     
  3. Moi

    Moi Warriors live forever x

    You don't have her number?
     
  4. u6s68

    u6s68 Valued Member

    Dreading trying to focus on my course studies.
     
  5. David Harrison

    David Harrison MAPper without portfolio

    Stop dreading and just do it.

    Get engrossed and don't look back. If you try to focus, your mind will find every excuse to dwell and distract you.
     
  6. Saved_in_Blood

    Saved_in_Blood Valued Member

    You did the right thing by ending it. When a person wants all of your time that's ok, when they don't want to spend the time with you and your friends and/or give you a little space to be with friends... you become possession rather than a partner/team. If you have flat out told her that you just aren't going to live like that anymore then as said already... stick to your guns and don't get into a trap. That is why people settle... they feel like that's as good as it will get, or they just don't want to spend the time looking and waiting for someone else that really lights them up and is the right one. Stay strong, be patient and be at peace and you'll realize you enjoy that much more than being with one who you just argue with all the time. It's emotionally draining to do that.
     
  7. AndrewTheAndroid

    AndrewTheAndroid A hero for fun.

    Don't forget to send pictures too.
     
  8. u6s68

    u6s68 Valued Member


    Good advice. It's hard given that I'm feeling demotivated and down. Not sure how to go about meeting someone else and I don't feel like I am moving on very quickly. I met her on a dating site. She had only been on it for one hour and was contacted hundreds of times. I don't think I want to get into online dating again though. It seems to attract some strange people (as well as some great ones). Plus you may be on your way to becoming really into someone without really knowing them.
     
  9. Saz

    Saz Nerd Admin

    Online dating is OK for just setting up a date, but when people meet and chat online for a while before meeting, they craft an image in their own head of what that person is like. It's often idealistic and has no bearing in reality. No-one wants to imagine the hottie they met on Tinder making a noise like a blocked drain when she sleeps or turning your bathroom into an exclusion zone after a curry.

    You don't need to yet anyway. I don't understand the pressure on people to "get back out there" after a break up, it's BS. Spend some time on you, being single shouldn't be seen as a bad thing.
     
  10. Rhythmkiller

    Rhythmkiller Animo Non Astutia

    Take time out and have some "you" time with the guys, learn to deal with your insecurities with bro's. I certainly wouldn't run into another relationship streight away. Not the greatest advice but it's what i'd do, i wouldn't be moping around about it, i'd be hurt but dealing. Thats what you need to do.

    Baza
     
  11. Saved_in_Blood

    Saved_in_Blood Valued Member

    People online can be anyone, but turn into someone totally different... not that people you meet in person can't be the same. What you are feeling is not pain because of a broken relationship IMO what you are feeling is a routine that has been broken. We are creatures of habit and you can literally miss anyone. Sometimes having someone around who you don't get along with is better than not having someone at all in the eyes of one who has lost that.

    What helped me in my hard times is to remember the things that I didn't like about the person... it really helps to keep things in perspective about why you aren't with them. None of us have all of the answers... but wouldn't you rather miss someone because you really loved them and the time with them and not just once in a while when you were getting along?

    Why as people we all torture ourselves the way we do none of us will never know. I tell you though my friend, the right girl could be one step away from you at ANY moment in your life. Just take time once a day, sit back and be at peace and enjoy it. It is hard to come by in today's world.
     
  12. u6s68

    u6s68 Valued Member

    Thanks. I find myself remembering being happy when things were good. I definitely miss the routine. I also think a lot about how I perhaps didn't spend enough time with her. However, I tried to plan my free time to maximise seeing her. The rest of my time was spent in work, in pursuit of an education and career and a very small amount of time alone or with family and friends. I will give your advice a try.
     
  13. Saved_in_Blood

    Saved_in_Blood Valued Member

    Nothing's over until you're dead my friend... just keep in mind that you never know what might happen, who might appear, or reappear in your life.

    I was married before and my ex was someone that I was great friends with and I really felt like we would be together for good... she left me, I held a grudge for years and then there she was after 3 or 4 years. I broke off a relationship I was in and got re-engaged and married to this person. The problem was I was living in the past of what our relationship had been and not how bad it actually was. We were separated just before our 1 year anniversary and divorced a year later (have to be separated for at least a year here before divorce will be granted). I met the woman I wish I would have met while I was waiting on my divorce to be final. As soon as it was... I married her and we will be married 3 years at the end of December and have a wonderful 1 year old son. She only lived about 15 or 20 minutes away from me.

    With one mistake all of the right things came together. I am very happy and have no desire to see, talk to, or have anything to do with my ex. I have been there though.. it's hard. Don't find someone out of desperation though. Have some fun, train, and learn to take care of you... be selfish for a while.
     
  14. aaradia

    aaradia Choy Li Fut and Yang Tai Chi Chuan Student Moderator Supporter

    You have already stated you are really too busy for the time it takes to have a good relationship. New studies, MA, hanging with friends, work.............

    So why are you trying to get into a new relationship?
     
  15. u6s68

    u6s68 Valued Member

    I'm saying I'm not ready for that and haven't 'moved on'. Most days I contemplate trying again.
     
  16. Saved_in_Blood

    Saved_in_Blood Valued Member

    It's in our nature to need people... and when we go through a break-up we view the person we broke up with as the only "cure" to our pain... the second, but not so effective cure is to find someone else to just help fill the void. Time alone, though hard to do... is the best thing IMO.
     
  17. u6s68

    u6s68 Valued Member

    I agree. I am hoping to get away for a couple of days to clear my head.
     
  18. Saved_in_Blood

    Saved_in_Blood Valued Member

    People don't want to tell themselves that "it's over" once you are able to tell yourself that, you can grieve and then move forward. Things get better each day.
     

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