Advice? ... Where goes the buddhahood in this?

[Deepsey]

Very often it is true for me. Recently at least. The truth of saying; being worse than a fool. I think so of myself from time to time. Because i do not do all i actually could do. I have the potential to do more.

But. What i do. My mind does not want to cooperate with me on it if i chose to do it.
I like swing forth and back between the toughts/habits:
1. Practising for the insight of meaninglessness or emptiness
2. When avhieved ... It is meaningless. What am doing?

That meaninglessness that the practise provides prevents me from keeping up the practise itself.

When there is no meaning. What is the point of the practise?

One could say: Do the practise to avoid the suffering this prevents.

But should i then fear that suffering? And have that as a motivation to my actions?
(Where goes the buddhahood in all this?)


I have asked this in other words before also. Where i used the terms 'patience' and 'spiritual progress'.

...when i progressed, things became easier.
I didn't need the "endurance pills" anymore (Not for real, that is a metaphor. Just in case ).
.....So, i notice that i have lost much of my patience. .... And still losing as i progress.
Now, i am kind of more and more, getting the chosise between, patience and spiritual progress. That choise is become clearer to me more and more
...

We are in other words talking about my motivation to do things.
The question is: How do i quit swinging ...about this. And actually start doing something?
Thank you

[aikiMac]

Sorry, but, like, that was undecipherable, and I didn't spot any question about a martial art. This here is the subforum for questions about a martial art, you know.