Defending your child against the unthinkable

[Capt Ann]

A word of warning to other parents.
Sensitive subject. Please use discretion discussing with children

I recently had to find a new pediatrician for my three children. Their regular pediatrician had just closed up his office with no prior notice, the office abandoned, and the phone disconnected. It took me three months of trying to locate him to find what had happened. The doctor who had seen my children regularly for the last three years had had his medical license revoked in the state of Maryland after pleading to sexual assault on a 10-year-old female patient.

This was someone I would have trusted with my life, and someone that I did trust with my precious children. I thank God that I learned about some of these facts before it was too late for my children, and regret it wasn’t soon enough to protect someone else’s child. I ask all parents to consider the following to help defend your children as well:

1. Each state in the US has a regulatory board that reviews and licenses physicians to practice medicine. These boards can and do revoke medical licenses for legal, moral, and/or medical reasons. Their findings are matters of public record. You can contact these boards to find out if there have been any complaints, legal actions, or malpractice lawsuits against your physician. Google your state name, and “Board of Physicians”, “Physicians Board”, or “Physicians Review Board”. My state (Maryland) has a website at http://www.mbp.state.md.us/ that allows a search by physician’s name. I was able to pull up the details of the legal proceedings against the ex-pediatrician, as well as check out all other doctors in my community for malpractice suits and legal problems.

2. Stay with your child during doctor visits. For minor children, there really isn’t any reason why a child needs to be examined by a physician without a parent present.

3. Allow your children to tell anyone, even adults, “No!” Tell them they can and should tell anyone (even grownups) not to touch them where their underwear covers.

4. Tell your children that if anyone asks them to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable, they should ask their parents if it’s OK. Children understand that people will lie or be afraid to do something they know is wrong. If someone (even a grownup) is afraid for a parent to know, then that person knows they are asking the child to do something wrong. Tell your child they should let you know, especially if a grownup asks the child to do something that makes them feel uncomfortable, and wants it to be ‘their little secret.’

5. Many states now have “Megan’s Laws” requiring convicted sexual offenders to register with local police. The registry is a matter of public record. Many states post details about registered offenders on the Internet. Look for the registry for your state, and be aware of who is in your neighborhood.

6. Talk to your children. Make sure they know they can talk to you, about anything.

7. Be a good neighbor. Know your neighbors and their children. Take time to get to know who your child is playing with. It will help protect your child, and will help protect your neighbors’ children as well.

[slipthejab]

Wow.
How nuts is that situation with your former pediatrician?!?!?!?

Great post there Capt. Ann!

[Shadow_of_Evil]

A mate of mine found out his best friend was a pediafile by heart a while back. After being friends for many years, my mate found child pornography on this other blokes computer. After proceeding to beat the christ out of him, my mate went home to ask his son some questions. He told his son that they wouldn't be seeing this other bloke anymore and the son said he was happy becausethe guy hugged and touched him heaps. So my friend went back to the guys house and proceeded to beat him again.

Long story short, you really need to be carefull about who you can trust. Great post Capt Ann.

[slipthejab]

Originally Posted by Shadow_of_Evil

A mate of mine found out his best friend was a pediafile by heart a while back. After being friends for many years, my mate found child pornography on this other blokes computer. After proceeding to beat the christ out of him, my mate went home to ask his son some questions. He told his son that they wouldn't be seeing this other bloke anymore and the son said he was happy becausethe guy hugged and touched him heaps. So my friend went back to the guys house and proceeded to beat him again.

Long story short, you really need to be carefull about who you can trust. Great post Capt Ann.

First i's paeodophile not 'pediafile'... and second the story you've posted sounds a tad silly - a tad testosterone laden. I think stories like that don't do much for the topic of awareness.

[Shadow_of_Evil]

My bad with the spelling.
Oh and I know it dosn't sound it, but it is a true story.

[Jutsuka]

I have a mate, sorry I knew a person that likes child porn and I have a 8 year old girl!!! When I found out I was gonna beat the <profanity Removed> out of him. Needless to say the guy isn't allowed near her and has been warned that if he even looks at her wrong it will be his end. SOE, I would've done the same thing as your mate had my kid said the <profanity Removed> paedophile <profanity Removed> had been "hugging" my kid.

Great post Capt. Ann. Kids should be listened to, quite often they are smarter than we give them credit for.


I've told my boy's if anyone ever comes near them with <profanity Removed> like that, to kick them in the nuts and run to the nearest shop and call me.


Sorry for the harsh words, but I know too many people that have been abused. And once a child's innocence is taken from them they never get it back. Capt Ann, I am so glad nothing happened to your children, you are lucky.

<profanity adds NOTHING to the discussion>
<Sarge>

[TKDMitch]

As a relatively new parent I can't imagine how I would feel and react if I found out something had been happening to my son.

But the best advice is simply to prevent it, so thanks for the post Capt Ann, always worth thinking about simple precautions you can take.

Mitch

[slipthejab]

Originally Posted by TKDMitch

As a relatively new parent I can't imagine how I would feel and react if I found out something had been happening to my son.

I haven't go kids of my own... so sometimes it can be hard to comprehend how this sort of a thing can spook a parent. I mean everyone gets it... but to really get close to understanding it... So one of my best mates who has two year old put it to me like this:

Imagine that one of your organs can just leave your body at will and roam around.... say for instance your heart. So no matter what your doing, at work or at play... or what time of day it is... you always have it on your mind where that organ is...

Is someone going to knock it over?!
Is it going to wander into traffic?!
is playing by a steep set of stairs it can fall down?!
Is it running around with something to poke it eye out?.
Is someone going to take off with it?!

For some reason that made total sense to me... in that people parents tend to love their children like the part of themselves they are. It gave me a whole new light to think about parents and children in.

LOL! That probably sounds retarded.

[TKDMitch]

Originally Posted by slipthejab

...LOL! That probably sounds retarded.

Actually that's not a bad way of putting it. I was totally unprepared for how besotted I'd be, how completely they take over your life.

He's toddling now, should I start a "Which MA would best suit a toddler thread?"

Mitch

[CosmicFish]

Originally Posted by slipthejab

LOL! That probably sounds retarded.

No, that sounds about right actually. If anything you're probably more protective of your kids than your organs!

Good post Capt Ann. As a fairly new parent myself I'm always on the lookout for good parenting tips. This is one area where being overly cautious is a good thing.

[bcbernam777]

If I found out that any one had touched any of my children, well lets just say i would probably end up in a 5X10, things change when you have children, you change, you become like a bear guarding the cubs, even when my first daughter was born I was very carefull about who I let touch her, even family.

[slipthejab]

Originally Posted by bcbernam777

If I found out that any one had touched any of my children, well lets just say i would probably end up in a 5X10, things change when you have children, you change, you become like a bear guarding the cubs, even when my first daughter was born I was very carefull about who I let touch her, even family.

BC,
Your so right. It's not a scare tactic... but the numbers show that most kids are abused by family members. It's somethign to bear in mind. Lots of people don't want to look at the issue because it's ugly... but jeez there are so many people out there who you will come across in life that have been victimized by a family member. It's not uncommon at all.

So your point is very apt for this thread.

[Moosey]

2. Stay with your child during doctor visits. For minor children, there really isn’t any reason why a child needs to be examined by a physician without a parent present.

I would say that this is the biggie to bare in mind. If you're in the surgery, there's no opportunity for dodgy things to happen. There's no reason why you shouldn't accompany a young child - it's not like they're independent enough at that age to have any real secrets (e.g. an 8 yr old is unlikely to be asking about contraceptives, drug additiction, quitting smoking, STDs etc etc etc... any of the things that you might not want your parents to hear). In fact, surely most paediatricians would want the parent to be there so he can tell them the diagnosis - is not like a young child is gonna understand what it means if they've got eczema or some such thing ("Dr Smith says I've got some weird disease and have to take medicine" probably is a little less detailed than what the parent wants to know).

[Shotochem]

There are some very sick people out there. They are in all walks of life. Yes, sadly even MA instructors. As a parent I make it a practice to get to know the parents of his friends and all of the prersons he regularly comes in contact with. I try to be as informed as possible.
My wife also had a peditrician who was arrested on multiple counts of molestation charges. She fortunately was not one of his victims. Others were not so lucky. He is still serving time here on LI. I hope he has had a very large cell mate these last 15 or so years.

I always go into the examination room with my kids if any MD would have a problem with this, I would go elsewhere. Until my sons expresses a problem with this or a need for privacy I will continue to do so.

[Johnno]

Originally Posted by slipthejab

I haven't go kids of my own... so sometimes it can be hard to comprehend how this sort of a thing can spook a parent. I mean everyone gets it... but to really get close to understanding it... So one of my best mates who has two year old put it to me like this:



For some reason that made total sense to me... in that people parents tend to love their children like the part of themselves they are. It gave me a whole new light to think about parents and children in.

LOL! That probably sounds retarded.

That was a really good explaination that your mate gave you. I'm glad that you shared it.

Imagine the person you've loved most in your life. (Apart from yourself! )
Whether they are parent, a sibling, a lover, a spouse or whoever - that love doesn't even come close to what you feel for your children, in my experience. That's just due to instinct I suppose. The love you have for them really is unconditional.

It was only after becoming a father that I realised how much my parents must have loved me, and I found that really moving.