Advice to help my wife lose weight

[Shau]

OK, so here is the situation (and I apologize as all the mesurements aren't metric): My wife gained about 60 pounds when she was pregnant with my daughter. She hasn't been able to get the weight off her, and its been 2 1/2 years since my daughter was born. She's tried to work out with friends, but they quit, thus causing my wife to lose motivation.

About 2 years ago, she joined an all woman's gym under a sauna study. The owner was a huge ***** and there was a lot of stress put on my wife and a lot of other women there. She didn't fullfill her sauna study contract because of it, causing the owner to charge us an ungodly amount of money cause she signed a contract. Shortly after, other people sued for a lot of reasons, including harassment, and the gym closed. But that left another bad taste in my wife's mouth.

Me, I've been a martial artist for almost 23 years. I've always been in shape, but never have been the one to try to get bulkier or increase more strength than i thought I needed. Well, i quit smoking cigarettes two months ago and needed something to quell that addiction. I also wanted to get better in my grappling game (as most fights head in that direction anyway). So i figured it was time to bite the bullet and add more strength even if that meant bulking up. I talked to my wife, who said she had been wanting to get back into the gym anyway. So we joined a great gym together.

6 months ago, I was 125 Lbs. Before the gym 2 months ago, I was 135 Lbs (mostly from a beer belly as i went on a one month beer drinking binge). Now, I'm 145 Lbs, a lot better cut, and noticably stronger (and no more beer belly). My wife hasn't changed too much, and i can tell that between not much happening to her and a lot happening to me, she may be becoming discouraged again. And i don't want that to happen because we will go back to square one.

She also wont listen to anything I have to say to try to give her advice. She doesn't like martial arts or wants to do them. We bought a Wii Fit and all she uses that for is a scale. I also do some exercising at home, but she won't. Another thing is i have a high metabolism, she has a very low metabolism. She walks 30 minutes on the treadmill to walk a mile (she won't run as she is endowed up there and says it hurts her), and I do about 15 minutes of steady running at 5.5-6 miles per hour for cardio before i start my workout. I'm usually pouring sweat by the time we are thru working out and she has barely broken a sweat. We both eat healthier than what we have been before, but we both snack around the same. I told her about not snacking as much and got cussed out about it, saying that i snack just the same (but I'm different and trying to gain weight/strength not lose weight).

So my question is, anyone have any advice for her to actually lose weight. I even thought about getting her some hydroxycut or something like that, but doubt she will take it. Anything anyone can recommend exercise wise to help her with the weightloss. I just don't know what to do as it seems any advice I give gets tuned out and i get yelled at, and I'm really sick of hearing her complain all the time about her weight.

[Goodkat]

Firstly I'd stay off the diet pills of any variets, it definitely is not what she needs.

Secondly, walking on the treadmill is pretty pointless in my opinion. I mean it's ok if someone is generally very large and completely out of shape to the point that they can't do any other more useful exercise, but in reality it would take a HELL of a lot of walking on the treadmill to see any changes. And that said, it's nicer to have a walk outside anyway. Really, it sounds like your wife needs to focus on nutrition and the right kind of cardio workout with some weight-training in there. If she is eating badly, the amount of exercise she is probably going to be doing is not going to make much of a difference. Cut out the nasty sugars, saturated fats and reduce the bad carbs. Good fats (from non-salted nuts etc), good carbs (wholemeal...), protein and naturally occuring sugars are good. Try to get her to have her 5 a day, and mainly try and make these veg with a couple of bits of fruit (fruit generally has high sugar naturally). If she has trouble running because of her chest-size, recommend using the bike. I often have a 1/2 hour or hour session on the bike after a weights workout, or on its own for longer if I'm just feeling the need to have a cardio day. Keep some decent speed up for a good amount of time (usually min. of 20mins) and the weight will come off. There also may be some classes around that do spinning or virtual cycling, and although I personally wouldn't bother, it would provide her with other people working towards a similar goal and perhaps some extra motivation. Light weights (to start) are also a good idea, good for the metabolism etc. Make sure her form is good though, and maybe try and encourage some light compound lifts as they are good for building muscle throughout the body.

Overall though, she needs to watch the diet (the odd snack is not always a bad thing as long as it is something good!) and get a decent amount of cardio training in a few times a week(and not walking on a treadmill).

Best wishes
Michael

[Southpaw535]

Don't take it offensively mate but if she's unwilling to do excercise that at least involves breaking a sweat then its gonna be a struggle.

[Shau]

Thanks so far everyone. I've been joking to her lately about her not breaking a sweat, but she is starting to "give me the eye" everytime I say something about that. As far as the treadmill, that's all she wants to do. I do it with her, and I finally got her to start using a program on the tread called alpine pass that changes the incline at random, but everytime I say "lets use the cross-trainer/bike/eliptical" I always get the same answer "I like the treadmill." Her mom scared her about spinning, as she went to a spinning class at her gym and said she hurt for days. Now my wife wont even try it.

I also heard that snacking between 8pm and bed is not very good for weight as the metabolism is the slowest at this point. I try to always take in two snacks between this time, bad thing is she does to.

[Goodkat]

The Lord helps those who help themselves.

To be fair, and I don't mean this offensively, but she sounds like she's being lazy; how does your wife expect to lose weight if she won't put any effort in? There's no magical solution, eat well and exercise regularly and correctly and you will lose weight. If she won't break a sweat, and will only walk on the treadmill, she is wasting her time.

The only way she can make a noticable difference is if she gets off her backside and puts some concentrated effort into doing it, I'm afraid it's down to her; you can't do it for her!

Michael

[Shau]

You aren't being offensive. You are actually just reinforcing what I believe. I've done everything from dropping hints that she should do more to straight out telling her that she shouldn't complain and that she should just do more. I always get the "what do you know?" or "do you believe everything you have heard?" She gets jealous of the people on that show The Biggest Loser (even tho she is no where near where they start), and when i tell her that they work out supe intensely for hours a day every day to lose that much weight, she retorts with "well, that's not healthy for you." I realize it's a fight I'm not going to win. thats why i was hoping someone may have some advice that i coild give her to push her a little more in the right direction. frankly, if she loses weight or not, I don't care. I love her just the same. But I am sick of having to hear her complain every day and then get yelled at because i give her my advice.

[Southpaw535]

talk about a catch 22. All I can think of would be compile a load of evidence to support what you say. I'm sure there's stuff on it from olympic athletes and stuff on the net. Alternatively you could go see a GP. They'd tell her the same thing you have but she can hardly turn round to a doc and tell 'em they're wrong.

[old palden]

Losing weight requires desire and committed action, with desire being the easy part of the equation.

Judging from what you've said she doesn't want you to be her weight loss coach, and persisting in that role will only lead to further friction, frustration and suffering. If you want to stay married tell her you love her (no matter how fat she gets), and continue to pursue your own training and fitness regimen.

If she gets so fat that you lose all desire for her, you can divorce her, and/or get a younger, skinnier girlfriend.

Good luck.

[d0ugbug]

Drink green tea to help with metabolism.

Id recommend your wife trying to swim every day and use the cross trainer for 20-30min. After a month or so add some weights to the mix.

I've lost 5 stone since christmas by doing nothing but swim every single day (apart from weekend) cut my food intake down and doing a bit of free weights every now and again.

The gym is not for everyone my wife hates it! She does water aerobics, aerobics and pilates. You need to tell her that she should not expect to see instant results allow a month and slowly start to record weight loss each month.

If she wants to lose it she will, however she may feel a bit down if you constantly try to push her (not saying you are) but she is your wife you love her no matter what? So if you trying to push her to the gym, shift the weight etc, what do you think she is thinking

[Goodkat]

Well, there are other things she can try. As said, the gym isn't for everyone. But whatever she does to lose weight is going to have to involve putting a good amount of effort in and getting hot and sweaty; that's just the way things are.

It sounds like you're looking for an easy way for her to lose weight, which doesn't exist. 'Cheating' and such (caffeine based products such as Hot Rox etc) work after a fashion, but are generally only used when people are at a low BF% anyway, and besides they have some side effects. I'm afraid she's going to have to do it the hard way. It sounds like you're fighting a losing battle with her though, so just concentrate on your own training and block her complaints out; she will see you improving and then maybe you can convince her you're not making it up.

Regards

[Hapuka]

Let me cover a few things here.

Her problem is obviously a mental one.

Firstly she needs to want to lose weight. If she dosn't wan't to do anything about it then there's nothing much you can do.

Secondly once she has truly decided that she wants to lose weight then she must set a realistic goal for herself and achieve it.

Thirdly she needs to see herself as a champion. Once she sees herself as this then she will become one (eating like one, exercising like one etc.)

In general it is harder for women to lose weight but certainly not impossible. As a husband you must give her all the mental support she needs in order to achieve her goal.

She may be lazy because she's given up or she feels shes not good enough and instead reaches for the food instead of the treadmill.

You both need to find an exercise you both enjoy, here's something me and my younger sister do, we go for a walk, we walk uphills, downhills etc. Walking is great because it gives me and my sister time to catch up with each other, we generally talk about horror games (silent hill), our walks take about an hour to an hour and a half and we do them when its dark. When we get tired we tease each other and say to each other "There's a mutant behind you!" That gets us up and walking again.

About her being sore it might be because of her feet. I know my feet get sore when I walk (because of this I havn't been able to do martial arts for a while) but I'm sorting that out with my doctor.

I recommend these books (see if you can get her to read them)

Body for life

Burn the fat, feed the muscle (my trainer gave me a copy of this one)

There's also heaps of advice on http://www.bodybuilding.com/

Walking would be the best way to start off as far as exercise goes.

[Axelator]

If she doesn't want to do physical activity at a decent level of intensity. She either needs to drastically reduce her calorie intake or cut her legs off. Both of those will lead weight loss.

[Wizwar31]

What you could do is suggest to her physical activities that she has an interest in. Yoga, Tennis, badminton, swimming, a dance of some sort, anything really. Once you find that, do that activity with her. it changes from you pushing her to exercise, to an activity the two of you can have fun at and spend time together.

[Lorelei]

Several points:

1) If she's well-endowed in the chest department, any exercise that involves jumping around (i.e. most cardio-vascular activity) will hurt if she hasn't got the right sports bra. If she hasn't already done so, take her to a good sports store (or even a department store) that has a professional bra-fitting service, and get her measured and fitted with a decent sports bra IN THE RIGHT SIZE. If she is anything like the rest of us, she will still be pretending the bras she had pre-pregnancy are OK. This is highly unlikely - weight gain aside, pregnancy and breast-feeding can change breast size and shape permanently. Trying to exercise with the wrong scaffolding can be extremely painful - I speak from experience....

2) Do you think your wife is depressed? Her inability to lose weight may be the cause, but is just as likely to be a symptom. If you think this a possibility, try to get her to see someone about it (or pass the buck and get someone else to talk to her - mother, sister, best friend - so you don't get your head bitten off).

3) There may be another underlying cause - how long is it since your wife had a medical check-up? You said she has a slow metabolism - it might be worth checking her thyroid function if nothing else.

4) If you manage to eliminate all of the above as reasons for your wife not losing weight, you may just have to resign yourself to the fact that she doesn't want it enough yet. It took me three or four years after the birth of my youngest child before I decided I was fed up enough to do something about my excess weight. I arranged to see the practice nurse at my GP surgery to be weighed once a month (amazing what an incentive it is NOT to eat another chocolate bar when you know someone else will see the evidence) and kept a food diary to start with so I couldn't lie to myself about what I was putting into my system. I also started karate training with my eldest son. This had several advantages - the pig-headed parent in me wouldn't let me quit because that would have given him an excuse to follow suit, plus we both had someone to practice with at home which kept up our interest.

A couple of years down the line, I'm still overweight but MUCH fitter and a couple of dress sizes smaller. It would be nice to lose more weight, but I'm more concerned about increasing my fitness level than anything else. The hardest thing for me was accepting that I wasn't going to lose weight or get fitter without breaking a sweat. I HATE getting sweaty, but I've managed to mentally separate 'dojo' sweat from 'yuk, too hot, I hate hot weather/unventilated clubs/overheated shops' sweat. Once I'm in my gi it doesn't matter - and I know that as soon as I get home from training I'll be straight into the shower (more or less...).

I suspect your wife will find it easier to push herself physically if she exercises at a specific venue - going to a gym, swimming or even a yoga class would make it easier to separate the 'sweaty exercise' bit of her life from everything else. You could then sell it to her as having a break from the daily grind - if she spends most of her time dealing with a toddler, she may end up seeing exercise as 'time off'. You said you had tried the gym with her but she hadn't changed much - did you exercise together or separately? It can make a huge difference if you can each train with someone who is at a similar level. If your wife is training on her own she has little incentive to push herself during each part of her workout, and if she is training with someone much fitter than her (i.e. you) she may have even less incentive - she will know she can't compete with you at her current level of fitness but if the gap seems too wide for her to ever close it she may lose interest in trying altogether.

As Hapuka said earlier in this thread, your wife needs to set realistic goals for herself. This is much easier to do when surrounded by people who are at a similar level. Think of it in terms of MA training - moving up a kyu grade is a realistic goal and is easy to visualise and work towards when you are in a class with other kyu grades. If you only trained with 3rd Dans, though, you might find it hard to accept that you needed to work your way up through the kyu grades to get to Dan level. You might also become frustrated at your apparent lack of progress if you constantly compared yourself to the 3rd Dans, whereas if you were comparing yourself with other kyu grades you might realise you were progressing quite well.



Hope some of this helps. You know your wife better than any of us, so I'm sure you'll figure out the best way to deal with the situation. Good luck!

[Custom Volusia]

If she doesn't want to do physical activity at a decent level of intensity. She either needs to drastically reduce her calorie intake or cut her legs off. Both of those will lead weight loss.

Very funny.

Seriously though. You have the answers on how to help her loose the weight, she just isn't really asking you the questions yet. Once she is truly ready you will be able to help her. Until then, don't push it.

[Southpaw535]

wii fit?

[Custom Volusia]

Video game for the Wii.

Basically since parents in America are getting lazier and lazier, they have to rely on a video game system to provide their children with exercise.

Both of my kids are in excellent shape for the age without some computer game making them do it. It really isn't hard but whatever.

[Southpaw535]

I was making a suggestion mate not asking what itw as. Sorry I didn't realise someone else had already said it.

[Spinmaster]

Check out some of Denise Austin's stuff. She has awesome Pilates stuff, and her book "Pilates for Every Body" has a 3 week total body makeover plan, which includes Pilates routines, cardio (and since your wife likes the treadmill, she shouldn't have trouble with that) and eating plan. I think she has some other materials that specifically cover weight loss and such as well. You might like Pilates too, my Aikido coach is a big fan of them.

EDIT: I should also mention that Pilates exercise are "not threatening" - I dunno if that's clear or not, but basically it's not like weight lifting where you may be thinking "oh I'm gonna pull/strain something" etc. As your wife worries about injuries and such, this aspect of Pilates would be a plus for her.

[Shau]

Hey all,
First off, I just want to say thanks for all the great advice. Sorry it took me a while to respond, it's been a busy weekend. I don't have a lot of time now (gotta be at work in like 8 hours and still have to sleep). I'm going to try to respond to everything i can in this thread.

First, it's not me that really cares if she loses the weight. But I'm the one that always has to hear how frustrated she is when it seems like nothing is happening. If I say stuff like "you are beautiful" or you look great she usually says I'm lying or something like that. If I try to give her advice, I get yelled (and i'm a straightforward call-it-like-I-see it person), if I say nothing, then I get blamed for agreeing with her, which I am not. So, I can't win for losing.

She loves to swim, and we usually hit up the pool when we go to the gym. I even take our child and stay in the shallow in so she can swim laps. But to be honest, I think that is about all she enjoys. I've dropped hints at yoga (it's something I do at home and would love to actually go to a class for). We've bought tons of videos that she wanted, and never watch but once. She doesn't want to do any type of cardio machine other than treadmill, which she usually caps out at about 2.5 to 3 miles per hour. So you can see the frustration on my part of her not wanting to try other things. I used to breakdance and would love to get back into that and maybe get her involved. she started doing poi about a year ago and was getting really decent at it (not trying to set anything on fire, but using glowsticks or small weighted objects). Then we went to a party where one of our friends was doing poi (who is really good). He gave her pointers and even told her that he would teach her some things anytime she wanted. She never did poi again (not that it is the same as breakdancing, but at least it keeps you active and requires good coordination).

As far as working out, we work out together (doing basically the same workout only at different weight/reps). but that's only at the gym, I do some exercising at home but she doesn't. But at the gym It's an express circuit, so basically 20-30 mins cardio then either lower or upper body workout with both of us doing it equals out to about an hour (including dropping our daughter off at the provided day care and picking her up). When we signed up for the gym, they gave us 1 free day with a trainer, and he put us on the same workout at different levels. I wish I could find her a friend to work out with, the only thing is her best friend lives in Minnesota (a long ways away from North Carolina), and she's realized that all her "friends" here are *****s. That's another thing that's been bothering her lately and I just realized may be stressing her out, making her sad, and adding to the problem. She also worries about a lot of things, always seeing the negative. I've heard stress can negatively effect your body, so that may be something.

I know she wants to lose weight, I know she is doing what she thinks she can do. But I dont think she is in the mindset to push herself harder than she thinks she can go. The stress may be a factor (from douchebag friends to ultra pessimism). Maybe even the diet, even tho we eat healthy for the most part, there are some weaknesses for her, such as french fries and pop tarts. She also eats about as many times a day as me, but like I said my metabolism is a lot higher (my parents actually thoiught I had a metabolism disorder). Yesterday I downed 2 10" pepperoni pizzas for lunch, dont remember what she ate cause I was trying to fix something for the child also, then a few hours later we were both snacking on popcorn. (although she was eating 100 calorie popcorn, but she ate 2 bags with hot sauce.

So i guess my question now would be: any good ideas to get her motivated more or get her to try new activities?

Anyway, thanks again for the great advice so far everyone.

[Arnoo]

Go on diet together and you sneak out to eat the extra stuff you need. So she cant say well your doing it too.

[CatWise]

Hey Shau,

I'll be hones, I have not read all the responses you gotten and probably a lot of them have a GREAT advice. But I feel for you and your wife, especially your wife.
Here is the thing, she has a lot of failures, and basically feels fed up. She also sounds a lot like me.
I had my son 7 years ago, I went from 137lbs to 208lbs. I have been going up and down the weight from 208 to 220lbs and not able to get down. I also had a very slow metabolism and hypothyroid. I love to do MA, and have been doing it for some time, and while my flexibility and endurance increased, the weight did not go down. This can ONLY be achieved with stubbornness; diet and exercise mean to burn calories.

If she is ready and REALLY wants to loose weight, she will. Nothing you can say will ever make her do it; she has to make that decision on her own. Every time my husband tried to "help me” I wanted to choke him.
This December I contacted a friend of mine who is a bodybuilder and he worked out a diet for me meant to basically get me ready for a show. On December 18th I was 208lbs. Today I am at 160lbs. I was size 14, now I am size 6. I still have 23 more lbs to lose to be ready for the show, but I am on my way there.
First, she needs to get her metabolism going again, the only way this will be done is through the 7 meals a day and just under the current calories she is eating right now. So, if she is eating about 3000 calories a day, break it down to 7 meals and make it 2800. Then every 3-5 weeks, cut the total calories. This is basically as simple as I can make it. My diet is much more complex, but this will be a good start. Stay away from sugar, and complex, processed carbs. All food should be whole food (if God didn't create it, and you can't show me what bush it grows on, you can't eat it). Limit fruit. Lean protein. NO ALCOHOL - that is very important.

As for Exercise, lifting free weight is the BEST way to burn calories. Doesn't have to be a lot of weight, low weight, lots of reps is better. After free weight training, you still burn calories for about 8 hours.
Running is not good for her, too tough for the joints. Power walking on an incline or elliptical for about 35 minutes 3-4 times a week on an empty stomach (first thing in the morning) is much more ideal. This sets the body for calorie burning mode, instead of storage mode.

The best motivation is success. If your wife started to loose some weight, then she would want to continue. Its the hopelesness that gets you and makes you want to give up.

[Yohan]

There's a lot of focus on exercise in this thread, but scientifically there's actually a negative correlation between weight loss and activity level (I.E. more activity means you gain weight) without controlling your diet.

The most recent research points to the fact that the best way to control weight and body composition is via diet. SO if you wife wants to lose weight, she needs to control her diet. Catwise pretty much covered the best way to lose weight: smaller, more frequent meals, lots of lean protein, lots of fruits and vegetables. The best way to work out baseline calorie requirements is with a calorie calculator, like this one:

http://www.freedieting.com/tools/calorie_calculator.htm

Put in her height and weight, take the daily calorie requirement, and subtract 500, then divide that number by the number of meals she is going to eat every day. That's the number of calories you need in each meal.

*Mod hat still off*
Axelator, I don't know if this:

If she doesn't want to do physical activity at a decent level of intensity. She either needs to drastically reduce her calorie intake or cut her legs off. Both of those will lead weight loss.

Was supposed to be funny. It wasn't. It was classless.

[Hapuka]

Good site Yohan! :)

[Axelator]

May be classless it was still true. There is no easy way to loose weight unless you want to go and have surgery.

You need a calorie deficit. To get that you need to either do lots of exercise and maintain you're current calorie intake (if your weight is currently stable) or consume less calories. Since his wife doesn't sound like she wants to do either of them cutting her legs off sounds like a good way to loose weight.

That's the bottom line. There are no secrets.

Some tips I would suggest. If you have rubbish in the fight that you have a weakness for you're going to eat it. It's easier not to buy it to begin with.
Don't eat rubbish in front of her as it will only make her want some.
Maybe take up a sport she enjoys? Waterpolo?

Also your concept of a healthy diet might be wrong can you post what you and your wife would normally eat in av average day? There's quite alot of ignorance about what is healthy due to all the bull advitising around these days.

Edit: Stress is not making her fat, don't worry about that. The good thing about stress is that it's 0 calories!

[Frodocious]

As others have said, if she is not willing to put the effort in, do the exercise and change her diet she will not get anywhere. I would agree with Yohan, Axelator and Catwise, get her diet sorted and then think about exercise. If she has a weakness for poptarts, don't buy them. The easiest way to avoid temptation is to not have it in the cupboards!

[Yohan]

The only way to avoid temptation is to not have it in the cupboards!

Fixed

[Frodocious]

Fixed

Thank you! :)

[Goodkat]

Fixed

Too right, someone bought me an easter egg on Sunday and I never normally eat chocolate. But it was just sitting there and I ended up eating it all. Not the end of the world, I know, but it's just an example of how easy it is to give in when it's available. I very very rarely go to the shop and buy some chocolate, but when it's there I'm tucking in like a pig (cheat day...;)). Remove the temptation for your wife I think!

[Axelator]

I'm really bad at eating rubbish when I see it lying around the house. I don't even take cash around with me anymore because I know ill go and buy chocolate after training if I have cash on me.

[Yohan]

I'm really bad at eating rubbish when I see it lying around the house. I don't even take cash around with me anymore because I know ill go and buy chocolate after training if I have cash on me.

Good god, wait till you get a credit card man!! It's about all I can do to pass up papa gyro's for a kebab and the best fries in town on the way home from the fitness gym.

[Shau]

Everybody is givng really good advice.

When I mean healthy, she has taking a liking to culinary arts. Lots of veggies, and pretty much everything is made from scratch. My wife is a big fan of white meat, so she cooks chicken and turkey more than steak and hamburger. I dont know how grocery stores not in America are layed out, but here its usually fruits, veggies, meats, breads, milk and juices all around the perimeter and all your boxed and process foods (ramen noodles, mac and cheese, boxed meat mixes, etc) are in the center aisles. We have been going down these aisles less and less. For the most part, that is a huge change for both our diets a few months back. My metabolism is really high, but one thing I have noticed is that by me eating healthier, I'm actually gaining good weight and maintaining a good BMI.

But you guys made a good point, I am contributing to her diet in a bad way sometimes. I still eat chips, ramen noodles, snack cakes (altho my taste for chocolate is getting less and less except for dark chocolate in moderation---which I used to hate), and poptarts (which i take to work for breakfast). Sometimes when I am eating chips, she may ask for some. Sometimes when my wife wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to grab a quick midnight snack, she may grab one of my pop tarts. I've cut myself down to one or two sodas a day, but sometimes that makes her want one too.

I never saw a problem with it for me since I am/was considered skinny and adding a little weight wouldn't hurt me. But I dont need to give her that temptation, so I may need to only have those kinda foods that my wife doesn't like at home (she hates ramen) and maybe keep the poptarts at work. On a positive note, my martial arts teacher used to be a culinary chef before he got into real estate. I haven't been to class since January, but we stay in constant contact since we became good friends and he still calls me his number 1----when he moved back to Cali for a year he even had me take over instructing. He makes everything from scratch (mostly) and has been giving us good pointers. He also just started doing an internet cooking show (www.fedupwithfrank.com) that my wife has been checking out.

I've definitely laid off the verbal "helping" other than telling her how great she looks and how thin she is looking. It's worked better and we havent fought about exercise.

Sorry for the long post, just wanted to give an update and thank everyone for such great and useful advice. It's also helping me in the long run.

[TheCount]

I don't know if this has been covered or whatever but I will go on and say it - if it has I will just reiterate.

The two keys to healthily and effectively achieving anything physical are good diet and exercise of one form or another - be it slimmer, beefer, whatever, its all about an appropriate diet and good exercise.

The first most important thing is she needs to have a motivation and a will to do it - if she doesn't it won't happen. Just whining about how massive she is is not going to get her anywhere you need to find some way to get her motivated.

I'm not sure what the average is but gaining 60lb from having just one child is indicative of very very bad eating habits - I know you have to eat another 500 calories a day at least... but a strong nutricious diet should not have you balloon up that much.

I have noticed snacking being mentioned - the simplest way to deal with snacking is to NOT BUY SNACKS at all. If You yourself personally want junk food or a quick fix keep it in your car and have it at work. ANY snacks there are asking to be eaten and it's bound to happen. "Just one" usually becomes a load more.

I don't know what her habits are but get her to drink water - very often people interpret dehydration for hunger - you can see where this leads. Water also has many other health benefits if you maintain a sufficient level (an additional pint a day is a good start) such as improved concentration, muscular hydration and it helps fat to move a bit and depart.

Good diet - she needs to develop a healthy caloric defecit, maybe 200 less a day compared to a NORMAL PERSON not your current diet - that entails about 1800 calories for a woman. Combine this with her current light exercise and on you go. As for her rack - get a sports bra, they are designed to support appropriately.

I would also look at your wifes food portions and give them serious thought in line with the 1800 calorie mark. Very often a cause for not loosing weight is overeating - even healthy food in excess makes you fat. This is a commonly acclaimed problem in America.

Finally if you have them - get her to join a fat loss club. These run in the UK - you basically get together with a bunch of other big people and a health professional and it becomes more of a team battle than a personal one - also it becomes an incentive to keep loosing weight.

To address the major traps: It's not about metabolism, genes, diet pills, quick fixes, fad diets, body cleanses or any of that rubbish. Good diet, Good exercise and having the patience to let it work.

[Moi]

I d
I have noticed snacking being mentioned - the simplest way to deal with snacking is to NOT BUY SNACKS at all. .

That's why God invented fruits and nuts:cool:

[Knight_Errant]

Some slightly leftfield advice. I've just gone from close to 15 stone to 13 and a half and falling recently, so it does seem to work:
1. Turn the central heating down. I've moved into a much colder place, forcing me to spend large amounts of energy just regulating my bodyheat.
2. Make sure you eat breakfast. That way you actually end up eating less and it sets you up nicely for the rest of the day.
3. Get into the habit of doing little bits of exercise just whenever you feel the need. Static poses and stuff help, I find.

Other than that, losing weight is very, very simple. You eat less, sticking to everything your mother told you about nutrition and run around like a crazy person.

[EvilhomerNZ]

Shau bud, I was in the exact same boat as you once upon a time. It's a lot more common than you'd think. Only difference is my metabolism is crap and her's was better.

Anyways.. long story short.

A) Your diet is complete crap. Fix it and you'll fix hers. Don't sneak crap food all the time.. just stop eating the crap, she will follow suit.
B) Go to the website Yohan mentioned (it's one of the better ones) and start eating to a caloric limit. If you do a bit of research you can find a lot of stuff that you can still make that will conform to calorie limits. ESPECIALLY if she's into cooking.

Simple. Once I had done the above with my GF she maintained a steady loss of 4-5 kg a month for just over 3 months. Much smaller now and she now loves exercise! I stress once -> I <- had done the above with her. You want to help, lead by example.. even if you don't need to. It's the best support you can give her.

[Patrick Smith]

Maybe this will help.

>>http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2008/08/16/an-hour-of-exercise-five-times-a-week-is-the-only-way-to-lose-weight.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2005/02/05/weight-loss-exercise.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2002/03/16/breakfast-part-two.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2005/06/09/fatburn.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2000/04/23/calcium-weight-loss.aspx

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2004/06/05/weight-sunshine.aspx

I suggest you read up on this site. Dr. Mercola is an excellent doctor and health expert.

Vegetable juice is great for weight loss. Yuuuum! :D

[nickh]

Very often a cause for not loosing weight is overeating - even healthy food in excess makes you fat.

Agree 100%

So many people think that "eating healthy" or "eating natural/organic" is a get-out-of-jail-free card to eat as much as they want.

Quality and quantity are important here.

Nick H.

[Suejoe]

Hi Shau,

I've only just joined this forum so I'm a bit late joining in with this thread lol.

How is your wife getting on? Has she found any exercise that she enjoys doing?

She might like to think about Body Balance classes.
I love them, the class is a mixture of Tai Chi, Yoga and Pilates.
I'd say it was mainly poses from Hatha yoga and it's all choreographed to lovely music.
The routine and music is changed every 3 months so there's no chance of getting bored.

They're run by Les Mills, there should be a class near you.

Here's a link, hope it's ok to put it on here

http://www.lesmills.com/global/en/members/bodybalance/bodybalance-group-fitness-program.aspx

Almost anyone can do it whatever their level of fitness and flexibility.
Most places will do an introductory class to show you what it's all about, but it's easy to follow,
you are talked through all the poses and it is a very good and effective workout if you put lots of effort into it and you feel wonderful afterwards.

Anyway I just thought it was worth a mention.

Sue

[Moi]

Video game for the Wii.

Basically since parents in America are getting lazier and lazier, they have to rely on a video game system to provide their children with exercise.

Both of my kids are in excellent shape for the age without some computer game making them do it. It really isn't hard but whatever.

The wii is better than that. Wii Fit is a good introduction to fitness and the balance and yoga sections can help even experienced martial arts get better.

Wii active take it a step further with resistance bands so not only does it give you a good cardio workout it has basic strength training in it as well.
You just need the correct strength of resistance band.

All in the comfort of your own living room.

[SpikeD]

I hope your missus is doing better by now. When i first met my girlfriend she was talking about how she has difficulty losing weight. I suggested she note down her calorie intake through the day, you know the drill. Anyway, she was only eating around 1400 cal a day but in 2 meals with the most of the cals at night and usually either a takeout or snacking. I think her body was in fat storage mode 24/7 I 'finally' managed to get her to eat 5 small meals every 3 hours or so and she managed to start eating breakfast within an hour of waking. She was now eating 1800 cal a day and losing 2lb a week. Now this loss continued for about 6 weeks before it tapered of, so i gave her a aerobic dvd to do twice a week for 40 mins whilst maintaining her new diet. This helped for about two weeks and she got p'd of with the aerobics, mainly because it was hard work. She is a swimmer, nothing else interests her and i discovered quite simply that my life was safer by not ever suggesting aerobics again. It sounds like your missus is the same when it comes to exercise, (no idea of her eating times, calories etc.) so try and find a thing she likes to do, Dance maybe? salsa is supposed to be excellent. Buggered if i'd do it though, i find rythmic walking difficult.

[iammartialarts]

losing weights easy, eat only grains, legumes, beans, nuts, seeds, hiit training morning and before you go to bed, a full body strength workout eat whenver you want except not before you train, just afterwards