Scatology, anyone?

[David]

Don't take the 'thumbs-up' the wrong way! ;)

Standing qigong is the business for achieving a laxative effect on occasions you might be a bit 'anally reticent'.

Has anyone ever posted such an abhorent conversation-stopper? Do I win a prize?

Rgds,
David

[SoKKlab]

Total Crap.
I was gonna refute the subject entirely,
but I will just Poo Poo it instead.

"Driving Home For Christmas"...

[YODA]

I find 9 pints of Guiness and a curry a much more pleasant "solution" to the problem :D

[David]

This occurred to me a day or two ago when I had three large meals in one day and rounded it off by eating a plate of sandwiches at bedtime.

The evening meal was a Thai green curry to no effect so Guinness must be the active ingredient in your 'cure', Yoda.

I didn't expect any replies to this, you twisted ducks. (look, a black kettle!)

Rgds,
David

[YODA]

hehe...

[SoKKlab]

Have you tried Cashew Nut Surprise?
Or Linseed Tussle?

Magical cures. Definitely.

Although I'll go with the Guiness and Curry cure by Yoda, as the
Ultimate in Absorbing what is Useful, Rejecting what is Useless...

[nzric]

Bagua is great for that. All that loose waist movement. Seriously - after a good couple of bagua forms it clears you right up.

[Syd]

It is also said that if you fart during your Taiji forms that you are correctly performing your forms. If your backed up in the mornings and need to dump a load before you leave the house, just do multiple 'wave hands in clouds' and you'll be in the dunny in no time.

[Aravi]

Ack >.< Bad mental imagery happening right now >.< MAKE IT STOP!!! >.<

[David]

hehe - sweet dreams, aravi!

The loose waist and passive sinking is the trick, I guess.

WARNING: do not try this outdoors! :D

[Shade]

Gee with all this potential farting and pooping going on I cant wait to get to my first Tai Chi class. :D

Best not have a curry the night before then.

Hey syd I just had a thought, you know you said about feeling your chi building up and moving around....maybe its wind ;)

[David]

Before I go to class, I always try to void my bowels so that I don't fart. A goodly proportion of the comedy in class comes from people farting...

I know it's all quite amusing and everything but we should remember that this is one simple indicator of the efficacy (..effaecacy) of traditional Chinese training, and it's underlying adherence to the principles of well-being.

Chi is all about flow and removing blockages to enable constant motion and circulation throughout all your body's systems.

Rgds,
David

[God]

Originally posted by David
Before I go to class, I always try to void my bowels so that I don't fart. A goodly proportion of the comedy in class comes from people farting...

I know it's all quite amusing and everything but we should remember that this is one simple indicator of the efficacy (..effaecacy) of traditional Chinese training, and it's underlying adherence to the principles of well-being.

Chi is all about flow and removing blockages to enable constant motion and circulation throughout all your body's systems.

Rgds,
David

that's so true!

but it could be simply an overly complicated shroud for something much simpler...an entire science built around "just relax"?

[nzric]

"...It is also said that if you fart during your Taiji forms that you are correctly performing your forms. ..."

Finally, an explanation of the "empty force" of taiji. I'm going to www.randi.org to claim $1,000,000 with my no-touch chi power!!

Does that mean curry is a performance enhancing drug in tai chi?

[zun]

LOL @ nzric!

That explains why my class stinks so much - and all this time I thought it was the BO!

[David]

sigh

I try; God knows I try.

;)

Rgds,
David

[Reiki]

After my nasty weekend experience with food poisoning I won't add to the tone of this thread other than to say it stinks!

:D

[hwardo]

I tried this crazy form of yoga where the room is over 100 degrees F, and the postures are done super vigorously. The objective is to cleanse your system, and both my wife and I were "cleansing" for about two days afterwards. It was like eating chicken at Mcdonald's or something.
*Pyuuh.* (wrinkled nose, deathly clean up in aisle three).

[shotokanwarrior]

i'd say a thrust kick into the seikatanden would be a good laxative.
oh, aren't i sick

p.s. talking of farting, there's a guy in my Shotokan Karate class who's always farting, i think he does it on purpose though.





multiple posts combined

[shotokanwarrior]

hey, maybe that's why your seikatanden is considered to be 'the seat of the soul' and the conduit of Chi/Ki - it is also the location of the bowel

p.s. I bet almost everyone posting in this thread is a male.


PLEASE use the edit button!: Yoda

[Knight_Errant]

Are you trying to develop the age-old practice of shooting fireballs out of yer ____ ?

[David]

Trying? Pur-lease! I've been able to do that for years :D

[bcullen]

All right someone has to say it:
Wow! This is the sh***iest thread on the board. :D I mean it's really stinkin up the place. ;)

I never really gave a lot of thought to the matter but with all the movement in the qua and the massaging of internal organs through the movements it does create some potential hazards.
I think I'll stick to external forms during public demonstrations :)

[shotokanwarrior]

hey people,
maybe that's why 'internal' martial arts are so called - you use your bowel!
Maybe 'Loose Waist' was actually meant to be 'Loose Waste'!!!!!!!!!!

[Shade]

Perhaps there was a translation problem from the old chinese.

It is meant to be Supreme Ultimate Fart :D

[Syd]

I'm telling ya, after the Stork Spreads it's Wings I've seen more than my fair share of Repulsive Monkeys! ;)

[bcullen]

Originally posted by Syd
I'm telling ya, after the Stork Spreads it's Wings I've seen more than my fair share of Repulsive Monkeys! ;)

ROFLMAO!!!!

Man the jokes just keep coming on this thread. So the outstreched hand is meant to warn people (stop! don't come any closer, I just let one rip). I have a whole new perspective.

Repulsive monkey! Loose waste! BWHAHAHAHAHA! It keeps getting better.

[Shade]

Now i know why you also walk teh circle in Bagua. To make it seem like the guy next to you farted.

[shotokanwarrior]

Hey! Maybe that's what all the high kicks are about! You're supposed to fart when you do them!
You know in Japanese martial arts you scream or 'kiai' when you kick or punch? I wonder if it would help to fart? Also the technique of focus or 'kime' where you harden the muscles of your entire body - would farting help that?- would farting help that?
Jesus this is a great thread. David, you should get a Nobel Prize!

[shotokanwarrior]

Hey! Maybe that's what all the high kicks are about! You're supposed to fart when you do them!
You know in Japanese martial arts you scream or 'kiai' when you kick or punch? Would it help to fart? Also the technique of focus or 'kime' where you harden the muscles of your entire body - would farting help that?
Jesus this is a great thread. David, you should get a Nobel Prize!

[nzric]

I've just decided there are now 9 bagua palms. I've developed a new one in honour of this thread... the "Pull my finger" palm

[Syd]

Creating new styles anyone?

I think I'm pretty deadly after a few cans of HEINZ. I'm gonna call mine BLAZING SADDLES DO. It's gonna be hard getting anyone near the DO-JO-THO. I don't think the insurance will cover sinus damage! However, I've got a new crutchless GI design with a rear open flap for extra ventilation and I'm thinking of making the club logo a red kidney bean with a couple of black circular arrows indicating wind speed against yellow background.

The first move of our system is a flying side leap with rear flap extended into the OPEN position. These are part of a group of moves we term FARTER sometimes known by others as KATA.

YES!

[David]

Pull my finger lol

We have a guy in our class who trains next to the open window to save our nostrils. The joke's on the rest if us because he's damn good at the art.

Rgds,
David

[shotokanwarrior]

Perhaps there was a translation problem from the old chinese.

It is meant to be Supreme Ultimate Fart :D

This thread has been dead for ages, so I thought I'd resurrect it with my own version of some style names: :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Poo Jitsu (Ju Jitsu)

Poo Do (Judo)

Mei-phwoarr-zhuang (Mei hua zhuang)

Crapkido (Hapkido)

Kyoku - stink -ai (Kyokushinkai)

Crapoeira (Capoeira obviously)

S***okan (Shotokan)

Kung Poo (Kung Fu)

Any more, guys? I'm sure I missed some.

[shotokanwarrior]

Hey just thought of something else... ya knowwhen Keanu Reeves raises his hand to stop the Sentinels in The Matrix 2? Maybe really he had just farted.....

[shotokanwarrior]

I forgot one - Muck Sul Won

[David]

For the love of God, close this thread!

:D

[shotokanwarrior]

Hypocrite!!!!!!!!!!You started it!!!!!!!!

[bcullen]

For the love of God, close this thread!

:D

Hypocrite!!!!!!!!!!You started it!!!!!!!!

So what you're saying is: He who smelt it, dealt it :D

[shotokanwarrior]

Uh huh :)

[Infesticon #1]

tae pong do

[shotokanwarrior]

Hey, guys. Here's a 'scatologized' rendition of the Evanescence song 'Bring Me To Life'.
I'm not sure if Exlax is still used, the last time I heard of it was in a book of 'The Young Ones' made about 20 years ago that belonged to my dad, but sod it. Bad choice of words, but here goes:

Bring Me To (The) Lav

How can you see into my eyes like open doors
Leading you down into my core
Where I'm backed up without a toilet bowl
For fear of farting I stand alone
Until you find the pharmacy door and throw it open

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Feed me Exlax and save me from the Fart
Bid my bowel to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the wind-bag I've become

Now that I know why I fart
You can't just leave me
Get me some laxative before I blow up
Bring me to (the) lav

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Feed me Exlax and save me from the Fart
Bid my bowel to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the wind-bag I've become

Frozen inside without Exlax, without Cintara, darling
Only you are the sh*te among the dead

All of this time I can't believe I couldn't see
The medicine cabinet was lying there in front of me
I've been seizing a thousand years it seems
Got to open my bowels to everything
Without a fart without a smell without a soul
Don't let me fart here there must be something more
Bring me to (the) lav

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Feed me Exlax and save me from the Fart
Bid my bowel to run
Before I come undone
Save me from the wind-bag I've become

Bring me to (the) lav
Bring me to (the) lav

[David]

Applause..? haha