[Japan] The Haiku thread

[Su lin]

I bought a book recently which has a really nice selection of Haikus in. Post your favourites :)


Don't weep, insects-
Lovers,stars themselves,
Must part

Kobayashi Issa

A single petal
Of the cherry blossom fell:
Mountain silence

Kenneth Tanamura

Where the are humans
You'll find flies,
And Buddhas

[Dr NinjaBellydance]

I do like this one by Busson
"Cover my head
Or my feet
The winter quilt"
;)

[Mr Punch]

Expressing your emotions
in seventeen syllables
is quite diffic

- John Cooper Clark

:D

[RickMatz]

The classic by Basho:

The old pond,
A frog jumps in:
Plop!

and my own:

Bassho's frog went plop!
and never heard from again.
A snapping turtle

and another:

Samui fuyu
Shiroi meigetsu
Yukiakari

Cold winter
White full moon
Brightness of snow


BTW, a URL for those interested in Basho:

http://www.bopsecrets.org/gateway/passages/basho-frog.htm

[Stevebjj]

Strength flows from within.
Protein Shakes and Creatine
The smell makes me tap.

[Su lin]

Thats...........beautiful......................... :cry: :love:

[Mr Punch]

Bassho's frog went plop!
and never heard from again.
A snapping turtleNiiice! :)

Second line seems a bit long... altogether, might I suggest ditching 'went', changing 'and never heard from again' into 'never heard again'...?

Samui fuyu
Shiroi meigetsu
Yukiakari

Cold winter
White full moon
Brightness of snowI'm going to jump in with both feet here, cos I don't know if this is your original one or one of the Masters'...! But I have to say, I strongly suspect it's yours. I'm afraid it's not so hot... and nor is the translation.

Generally it is better to use just one 'kigo' (seasonal reference). You have 'samui', 'fuyu' AND 'snow', which seems too much even if you are stressing. I'm not saying this because I care about the rules particularly, but because when you have so few words it does seem to make sense, and that was my gut feeling on reading this.

Aaand, you have too much brightness without any new feeling. 'Shiroi', '...getsu', '...akari'... It's dazzling!

Your biggest problem is with 'meigetsu'. This does not mean 'full moon' - 'full moon' is 'mangetsu'.

Meigetsu has two meanings:

明月: a bright moon on a clear night, and
名月: the night of day in the lunar calendar usually ascribed to August 15: the middle of autumn...! Now, in haiku especially, and in Japanese in general, you can't just choose one of the meanings as it suits: the double meaning and ambiguity is important... so, you have a cold snowy winter night on August 15th! Not even in Hokkaido! Maybe if you live in the north of Canada... but otherwise this seasonal reference is out.

And on another technical note, it seems that you have no distinct kire (break to emphasize meaning, change of pace, or feeling), or maybe two weak ones. A traditional haiku needs one distinct kire. Otherwise it's a senryu.

And like I said, at a gut feeling it just doesn't do it for me like the first one: TOO bright, TOO snowy, TOO cold.

[Mr Punch]

Here's the last one I wrote, when I was sixteen (!), if I can remember it:

Rose petal's beauty
Even as memories fade
Ever in mind.

What the hell, I was in love... :o :)

That probably doesn't uphold any standards either...!

[Thelistmaker]

Untouchable image
Hanging in caramel air
Driving my steps


I can't remember how many syllables it's suposed to have so I thought I'd write something that sounded about right and edit it later :D

[Prophet]

Haikus here on MAP
Who would have thought it could be,
this is just crazy!

Prophet makes haikus,
allmost every single day.
Relentless poems.

[Prophet]

Strength flows from within.
Protein Shakes and Creatine
The smell makes me tap.

Nice!

[Prophet]

Why does nobody,
come on here to make haikus?
It's just blasphemy!

[Lily]

No one is worthy
Our haikus pale beside yours
Carry on Prophet

[Prophet]

Sarcastic Lily
Thinks she is queen of the land
But maybe she is?

[Prophet]

Bruises on my face;
A result of yesterdays
bad sparing mishap.

[Lily]

Those purple bruises
Are courtesy of my feet
Poor baby Prophet ;)

[Lily]

Shadow of Evil
Begging for an ass kicking
Am I too violent?

[Thelistmaker]

Shadow of Evil
Begging for an ass kicking
Am I too violent?
No such thing
The violence of lily is golden
Kick his ass