Do women have the disease to please?

[victim_no_more]

Running into a dilema at my job. I can't seem to say no for the life of me. If I get called in on my day off, I want to say no but I say yes. If I get called in with a schedule change(happening a lot lately) I bite my tongue and say ok.

Today I just got call to work tommorow evening for couple hrs, and said I'd rather not just come in for two hrs, especially with it being late, and ONLY 2hrs. She gave me, well we don't have anybody else speech, and once again I said yes. I fully take the responsibility for being a push over. UGH!!!!!!!!!

[g-bells]

hey vic

can i borrow 5 bucks? :o

[Moi]

Proberly more of an age thing

[victim_no_more]

hey vic

can i borrow 5 bucks? :o


LOL, good thing you didn't ask me that in person, I'd probably go straight for my purse LOL;)

Dad you're probably right. I've never liked controversy or confrontation and have tried to avoid it at all cost. I need to make a conscious effort to stand up for myself!

[g-bells]

[QUOTE=victim_no_more]LOL, good thing you didn't ask me that in person, I'd probably go straight for my purse LOL;)

dang missed out again :bang: :bang:

[Moi]

Your martial arts will help with that. Give it time.

For what it's worth your first post on this site was one of the bravest I've ever seen. ;)

[g-bells]

Your martial arts will help with that. Give it time.

For what it's worth your first post on this site was one of the bravest I've ever seen. ;)


i agree totaly with you here M D

[Dr NinjaBellydance]

Not a girlie thing, I know plenty of guys that are the same.

[wrydolphin]

I think it is more a personality or experience thing. Some people just don't like/are uncomfortable with conflict in any form. And NinjaBell is right, there are plenty of males who do this as well.

If you really want to stop the pattern, try modeling what you will say ahead of time. Take a few minutes to imagine a conversation with your boss and plan what you might say to tell her no. It helps to have a mental game plan so you don't feel so trapped.

Good luck.

[FONB]

No i did not read the hole thread!

I hope all woman have the need to please me! :D

An quit being a push over. When it comes to work well you need money so not sure if it is called a push over. Woman is just more resilient than a man so we always say no to coming in on or time off. Or at least that is what they say when it comes to x chromosone or the y chromosone the one that is female is more resilient an always get to the center of the egg first if competing with the man chromosone. :eek:

[Lily]

victim no more - when someone asks you something you need to give them a prepared response such as

'I'll need to check my schedule, give me 10 minutes'

'I have an ongoing prior engagement' (i used this one for Thursdays when I used to go to university in the evening after work)

These will give you some space to make a decision on your own without pressure. Use these daily until you won't even need them and will be able to respond yes/no when you're asked.

[wrydolphin]

An internal and preset monolog will do wonders for the situation. Listen to Lily, when she's sensible, she's actually sensible. ;)

[ember]

There's also the advice Stephen Covey gives (Seven Habits) - that finding the big YES in our lives can give us the strength to say no to the things that don't fit.

What's most important to you? Often it's some combination of family, faith, and maybe one other. Make a point to fit those things in first, and leave anything else for filling in cracks in your time.

[Moi]

Oh I wish!!!!!!!!!!!

[victim_no_more]

Guess since i don't have those 'extra" responsibilities they call me first. Decent paying job, so can't really complain too much. Really this isn't just work related, carries over to friends,etc, as well...

[CosmicFish]

Vic, I had the same problem (so yeah, guys get it too), still do to some extent. The only advice I can give you is to practise saying no. It's not easy, especially at first, but it does get easier.

You'll also feel guilty the first few times, but just keep doing it. I found it easier to be polite but firm (and not waffle too much).

Hope this helps.

[saru1968]

Does it happen in all aspects of your life?

and for how long..since you were a small child or since a life 'event'.

[Su lin]

I get this at work all the time and no,I don't think its a women only thing as a male colleague has it too.I kept saying yes to doing things for a big project that I am not officially assigned to but because it is a new art gallery people just assume I will be responsible.At the last meeting though I told them that at the moment I am simply too busy to sort something out for it,as I would have to drop another task,which at the moment isn't possible.
They were all pretty surprised at first but once they get used to it all is fine.As long as you have a valid reason and explain that reason I am sure people will understand,you just have to stand your ground!

[victim_no_more]

Does it happen in all aspects of your life?

and for how long..since you were a small child or since a life 'event'.

I know it has to do with how I was raised, but hey someone always has it worse than me, but from then I just never liked people close to me being mad at me, or even just ppl I had to see everyday. My parents were strict, mom VERY domineering. If I came in 5minutes late that was the equivalent to robbing a liquor store and I got the cold shoulder for couple of days.

I've always wondered what it feels like to tell somebody off and not even second guess yourself or feel bad about it after.
I admire those types but at the same time I despise them. Admire them b/c they don't care what ppl think, but despise them b/c they never care what ppl think...in other words they are ALWAYS right and aren't open to constructive critiscm or change. It's just all about them getting something off their chest and they don't care how it comes off.


However I did surprise myself the other day. I was pumping gas and a group of guys pulled up(about 4, and they were all eminem wannabe's) The guy in the back rolled his window down, and was laughing w/ his friends and being obnoxious. i could hear one of them say "I'd hit that" I went into defense mode, and became angry! I looked the guy in the eye(the one who i think said it) and told him to stop staring at me in firm tone, and rolled my eyes. He mumbled something after that,but couldn't hear him, I just stopped pumping and left. There is a difference between complimentary flirting and just being crude, and that was plain crude. Before i would have just shrugged it off, but now that I know first hand what some men are capable of, I won't let comments like that get by!

[wrydolphin]

so, you've made steps in the right direction. Just continue.


There is no black and white, no this or that in real life. You can be more confident without being rude. Real confidence means you listen to what others say and then decide for yourself and know what you have chosen is right for you.

If you want (and the key word is want) to change how you relate to people, you can. But it is work as you have a lifetime of habit to overcome. But it is doable. If you want it.