Survivors of Domestic Violence

[KungFuGrrrl]

many of you know I work with women and children survivors.
I run a non profit organization called
Friends Of Courage United Survivors.

We are a project of community partners (you can check out the website communitypartners.org) In fact if any of you would like to start a non profit organization this is an excellent way to get in the door.

I am making this post as I am trying to locate people in the martial arts world (my world) that are interested in working with my project by way of advising (advisory board perhaps), helpiing with ideas for fundraisers...hleping organize volunteers... any area of advice that we could communicate on really.

I have been operating for two years now, and I am a martial artist, not a fundraiser, grant writer etc...... nor can I pay anyone in those positions (yet) so...... I must rely on good ole volunteers.

So here is my story:

Tammy Logan
Friends of Courage United Survivors

I turned my domestic violence tragedy into a blessing

I nearly died at the hands of my abusive boyfriend. That experience changed my life, my way of thinking, Showed me what is really important in this lifetime and I now work with survivors of domestic violence.

The Meeting
In the fall of 1995 I was working at a Medical Systems Company, owned a car, lived in a nice area of Burbank, California and things were looking up. I met a man with whom I shared several interests. I believed I had found an interesting, considerate, fun mate. We dated for a while then after a few months we moved in together.

The Abuse
Shortly after moving in together he began verbally insulting me. Like so many abused women, I grew up witnessing domestic violence; so while this bothered me it was not of great concern. Unfortunately in these situations the verbal insults lead to physical abuse: hitting, hair pulling, and slapping to name a few.
The final beating happened on the morning of June 3rd, 1995. I asked him a question and he just exploded! He began pushing my shoulders as I backed into the tiny bathroom. He was screaming names at me and yelling that I was worthless, stupid, etc...
He punched me in the face which caused the back of my head to hit the sharp edge of the window seal, bounce off and hit the sliding glass shower door. This happened several times and I fell to the floor. Each time I would get up, he would punch me again.
I did manage to hit him back a few times.
Finally, he hit me, my head hit the glass door and I was knocked out. I awoke to him dragging me into the living room. He thought I was dead! He was talking to himself about how he was going to “dispose of the body”. I lay on the floor pretending to be dead until I heard him say he would cut my body into pieces. He was rifling through the kitchen knife drawer when I jumped up. He was shocked that I was up and about and so punched me in the tummy.

I begged him to leave. He finally ran off. I looked in the mirror, my white jogging suit was splattered with blood, my right eye was almost swollen shut, the eyeball had a red line through it(from a broken blood vessel), my nose was smashed, my right arm was dangling (from being dislocated), my lips were swollen. I had a broken back which has since caused a ruptured, protruding disc, trauma induced osteo-arthritis, memory failure, PTSD, Panic disorder, sensory neural hearing loss ( I will one day be completely deaf).

The Aftermath
As a result of the trauma, I lost my job, my apartment and my mental well being. My friends moved me into their home until I was well enough to get back on my own. Meanwhile, he was sentenced to two years in San Quentin Prison for assault with a deadly weapon; his hands!

The Healing Begins
Once again living in my own apt., I was attending group therapy for battered women and found a wonderful Psychiatrist and therapist.
I also found Chinese Martial Arts! These arts gave me a new way of life; one that includes peace, love, health, and camaraderie.
The teachings helped me heal, break the cycle of violence and regain my life. I found the breathing techniques of Tai Chi alleviate symptoms of panic attacks as well as many other health benefits. Through Wing Chun Kung Fu, I regained self control, and self confidence.

Helping Others
I began thinking of other survivors; ladies I met in group, women and children survivors who had never even heard of these wonderful arts. Over the course of time I developed a program that uses the teachings of Chinese Martial Arts to help survivors of domestic violence.
The name of our program is “FOCUS” - Friends Of Courage United Survivors-(a project of Community Partners).
I have been teaching Tai Chi to survivors for two years now. I have been going to their counseling site and giving a one hour class once per week.

I am now holding the class in the local park and recreation center, on Saturdays; This is open to clients of all local family service agencies.

In the first step of our program the client must attend Tai Chi class for 3 months and based on attendance and ability, they will be graduated into the second phase.

The second step is to supply the client with Kung Fu uniform, sash, shoes, and school book, and pay for instruction at the Kung Fu School so they may benefit and learn from the Sifu (Master) of the school who taught and guided me.

We are in the process of fundraising and organizing volunteer administrators and coordinators to help our project grow!

I am thankful for my life struggles because there is nothing so precious as being able to lighten someone else’s burden and help them find the way toward peace in their own life.

You may contact Tammy at focus14841@sbcglobal.net


I AM SEEKING GUIDANCE AND FUNDRAISING HELP FROM THOSE IN THE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND MARTIAL ARTS COMMUNITY.













:Angel:

[Terry Matthes]

Hi. I don't know if it works the same way in the US as Canada, but here is an idea. Why don't you go to your local political representative or community hall to see if you can get a grant. If I am not mistaken the government does have allowance for grassroots programs such as yours. I got to go to class. I hope that helps. Good luck.

[KungFuGrrrl]

by community hall do you mean city hall?

I have written grants for different companys but ws turened down and grantwriters ask for 300 per grant they write........ hopin g to find someone who will volunteer.

interesting
Thanks

[Saz]

I don't know much about fundraising and the like. Maybe you can organise some kind of sponsorship program or collaborate with other charitys to get cash?

What you've been through would destroy most people. I admire you for coming out of it stronger, and wanting to help others with similar experiences.

[Mrs Owt]

KungFuGrrrl, what a great way to deal with crap! I admire your courage and determination not to let him win long after he is gone from your life. I personally can do nothing for you but I do have a suggestion. We have a Women in Business community where I live. It is a networking group for women who are in manufacturing, real estate, finance or entrepeneurs who meet and try to help eachother get ahead through discussions and seminars. Very often these sorts of groups have a charity arm attached to their groups. I would look to your local chamber of commerce and see if such a group exists in your community. Very often within these groups you will find women with a wide variety of experiences and skill who can either help you with the grant applications or fund such applications.

Carry on your good work. I have been lucky and have never had to experience violence on the scale you have and was able to deal with the one experience I did have without being badly hurt. You were lucky and blessed with the support of your friends, I on the other hand had friends who doubted and disbelieved, it was like a double betrayal. Anyway, my story is not important it is your strength that will help many women. Wish I could do more.

[Falling_link]

It's good to see that your out there helping others who have gone through a similar experience. The best thing you can do is help others, and guide them through such a time. All i can say is keep up the work.

[KungFuGrrrl]

to: Kgirl : Thank you so much for your support It really really means so much!!!!!!! I need all the encouragement I can get, sometimes it is so hard to continue, I am disabled and on disability. trying to make it teaching tai chi.

sometimes i feel like giving up but when I see the ladies in class and they are SO happy and just like little kids with a new candy! it makes it all worth while. they say thank you teacher THANK YOU
.............sometimes I have to MAKE them leave class!

To: Anything: Thank YOU so much I realy can NOT tell you guys HOW much I need your support and encouragement and just because My personal exp was different than yours, well, that in NO way makes yours any less important!!!! of an axperience than mine was!!!!!
I want you to KNOW and accept that!!!!

Also if you can give me precise info on the women in business info my email is focus14841@sbcglobal.net
my trbl is I have mental probs now, from brain damage, forgetfullness, panic etc........ any details you can give very much welcome!

To fallinglink: Thank you dear martial art brother for your kind words.
for you have NO idea the inspiration you provoke. thank you......
And to all of you I say this:
Please .....send me good CHI....*energy* any second of the day if you think of FOCUS...... just send a few breaths of positve chi my way and we will surely benefit.
THANK you guys!!!!!!!
Your M/A sister
KFG
\

[morphus]

PIL SUNG! - a salute to you from me, it means "certain victory" that no defeat is all encompassing. It comes from my art.

I think you are very brave & i commend you on fighting back at domestic violence in this way.:cool:

[KungFuGrrrl]

Thank you so very much! I will accept all the salutes and encouragement I am lucky to recieve!

funy I dont feel very brave! but thank you for your words!
words are very empowering
your KF sister
KFG

[Jim]

Tammy,

I think that Jeff Burger and Darren Laur may be of some help to you (when they come online again) also Yoda is bound to have some advise (when he gets back from holidays). Stay with us and keep watching this space for more info. Hopefully we can help some more.

[Mrs Owt]

KungFuGrrrl, nice talking to you in chat. Any info on my Women in Business group would be useless to you because it is a local chapter. Again, I urge you to contact your local chamber of commerce for info on a similar group in your area.

All the best!

[KungFuGrrrl]

Hi
this is where i get stuck . What am I supposed to ask the Chamber of commerce? if they donate money or
would they put on an event to benefit FOCUS?and if they agree they will prob ask me what kind of event and how I plan on doing it?

It is only me working on this I have no help from anyone...... I teach the women and I do the fundraising (very hard and out of my world, I wish I had a volunteer to help with that, I get them then they seem to flake off at the worst possible time!) last year I did some grant writing , very hard for me as I have panic disorder and PTSD...... but Im trying. My program is runnin along ok just not really advancing as quickly as it should be and the ladies keep asking me "when do we go to the Kung Fu School?".

should i send them (Chamber of Commerc)a letter first or call?

Im really lost here. Im not an executive and feel like im fumbling around. I am afraid to look stupid to these people.

If I had some sort of guilines to go by......:confused: \\

I really really appreciate your input.

[Mrs Owt]

Originally posted by KungFuGrrrl
Hi
this is where i get stuck . What am I supposed to ask the Chamber of commerce? if they donate money or
would they put on an event to benefit FOCUS?and if they agree they will prob ask me what kind of event and how I plan on doing it?

Go to your chamber of commerce and ask them if they are aware of a group like mine. Women in Business groups have sprung up all over North America. The chamber themselves will not be the institution that will help you(well maybe, you could ask), but it is the women's group that they should be able to guide you to.

It is only me working on this I have no help from anyone...... I teach the women and I do the fundraising (very hard and out of my world, I wish I had a volunteer to help with that, I get them then they seem to flake off at the worst possible time!) last year I did some grant writing , very hard for me as I have panic disorder and PTSD...... but Im trying. My program is runnin along ok just not really advancing as quickly as it should be and the ladies keep asking me "when do we go to the Kung Fu School?".

Why not ask some of the ladies you help to help back? Nothing makes a greater impact than seeing those that needed help actually benefiting from your program. The best people to help you are right under your nose.

should i send them (Chamber of Commerc)a letter first or call?

Im really lost here. Im not an executive and feel like im fumbling around. I am afraid to look stupid to these people.

Your sincerity and willingness to help will erase the fact you are not an executive. Some of the greatest achievements were done by the most "ordinary" people.

If I had some sort of guilines to go by......:confused: \\

I really really appreciate your input.


Hope some of these comments (read above I screwed up the quote thing) helped, I wish I could do more.

[KickChick]

I am moving this thread over to the Women's Self Defense forum so as it will get a bit more exposure.

There are threads here in this forum regarding "sexual" assaults of women but also around the world at least 1 in every three women have been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise aboused during her lifetime.

Most often, the abuser is a member of her own family.

KungFuGrrrl I have read your journal to keep on top of your ongoing efforts, but perhaps we can also update this thread and provide some more info regarding Domestic Violence here in this SD forum.

If you are being abused, do not wait for the abuse to end because it will not.
You need to rid the abuser from your life. It's unfortunate that worldwide acceptance of doing this by physical means, such fighting back your abuser, even if your abuser has threatened or tried to kill you, is not adviseable

Self-defense laws often require you to be in immediate danger. Women are told that answering abuse with violence drags you down to their level.

The following link will provide resources to all outside of US, and links for National (within US) are accessible from this link also.

Do take a moment to read... and hopefully someone here can also make the trasition for someone else from victim to survivor!
The Unreported Epidemic: Domestic Violence (http://pages.ivillage.com/debi_1111/id82.html)

[TwIsT]

KFG, I dont know how i could help out (I Am From Australia So i dont know much about how things work the the USA) but you have my full support. Domestic violence is high on my list of things i wanna put an end to,and when i can i will do what i can to help women(And men too) Who are victims of such things.

Never give up,i bless you for your strength

[KungFuGrrrl]

Thanks Kick Chick!

Just an update here.


I am a survivor of DV, almost died in 1995, became a martial artist Tai Chi Chuan Wing Chun. Started a non profit where I teach other SDV women and children. My program is NOT about fending off an attack. My program is about begin comfortable with yourself, relaxing, having a good time, learning the moves, names and application of the forms. Self Defense skills are a BONUS.


I have joined forces with VDAY Stop the violence and will be putting on a play The Vagina Monologues you can read about VDAY on www.vday.org

Also, I now have two locations where I teach my class. You many also check into my website (just remember I made that site myself! and am waiting for a donor to redo it and make it proffessional!) You can get some detailed information there. www.focus101.net

I am also about to start a class for a local Family Service Agency, they tell me when their contract is up in their buildg. they are moiving to larger location and will have a Tai Chi room for me (yaaaay)

I have began teaching children and find they love Tai Chi!
Surprising because domestic violence survivor children are much more rambunctuos and rigid etc.... but they LOVE it! helps to calm them down.
Why, even my Sifu and Master were a bit surprised by the way the kids LOVE the Tai Chi. I suppose after seeing so much violence and hitting at home the Tai Chi is a welcome method of exercising. There little minds are in overdrive from panic
Next Inside Kung Fu Magazine is printing my story in the next issue; detailing the abuse, stalking through my redemption in martial arts......very exciting news surley to put FOCUS on the map. The publisher said it is a very intense story! Im trying to get photos from the detective of when he took them of me in the hospital after my assault in 1995.


I am so blessed to have found martial arts. I am VERY thank ful I get to use my training to help other survivors of domestic violence and I am VERY thankful I have this forum to share with all of the wonderful people I have met !

[KungFuGrrrl]

[/QUOTE]
. Anyway, my story is not important it is your strength that will help many women. Wish I could do more.[/QUOTE]

Your wrong, your story IS important! When women realize they are not alone and They TOO matter - that is very encouraging and supporting to them.....Thats why we banded toegher in VDAY! to make all our voices heard.

It is TIME to stop the violence

[KickChick]

Thank you KungFuGrrrl !

I'll be sure (as well as all you MAP members) to pick up the next issue of Inside KF !

I wish you the best of luck in your efforts to stop domestic violence.... it is quite an undertaking but I am finding that it is boming widely publicized.

You can also find the Avon Foundation (http://www.avoncompany.com/women/speakout/index.html) is also committed to ending domestic violence here in the States and around the world and is also raising funds for education, awareness and prevention programs as well as direct services to assist domestic violence survivors (such as yourself) and their children.

We should all make a conscientious effort to speak out against DR and do what we can even if it is to make a donation!

[KickChick]

Anyway, my story is not important it is your strength that will help many women. Wish I could do more.

Your wrong, your story IS important! When women realize they are not alone and They TOO matter - that is very encouraging and supporting to them


Absolutely !

There is an excellant Ezine online that feaures essays and art from past victims .... No Hurt (http://www.nohurt.org/) .... do take a look!

[KungFuGrrrl]

Update:
I teamed up with VDAY and am organizing a play *The Vagina Monologue's* We are set to show on February 1 and 2nd at The Gene Bua Thater in Burbank California.
Check out the VDAY site
www.vday.org
All proceeds go to my non profit
Friends Of Courage United Survivors (FOCUS)
focus101.net

[KungFuGrrrl]

UPDATE
The magazine is KUNGFU QIGONG that my story will be in next issue. NOT Inside Kung Fu *MY BAD*

[Fushichou]

I hope you don't mind if I tell a little story of my own I know mine is not as common but it still happens I met some one at a church function we began dating and eventual got married about 6 mos into it I began to recieve verbal and mental abuse then I begant to get hit eventual it led up as yours did to a final time where I was hit over the head with a phone over and over while my friend was on the other line I was kicked and hit repeatedly I had to crawl out of the appartment to get away. I then called the police who laughed at me when I reported my situation they refused to come out and make an arrest or even talk to witnesses due to the fact I was a man in most peoples eyes men do not get abused but it does happen. As a result I ended up divorced the courts gave custody of my son to her even though I had evedence and proof of her abbusive nature I had begun to tape conversations and stuff at the end of things the courts told me because the abuse was on me it didn't count in custody cases. I later found out she had been seing another guy on the side I had been studing to be a minister and now they won't let me do to the fact I am divorced. I mainly wanted to tell this to let others know to listen to every one and don't think just because they are not a woman or a child they can't be abbused and to let any men who are being abbused know there is a better life and you don't have to put up with it no matter how much you love the person who is doing this to you get out of it and get help it doesn't change. as much as you want it to or as many times as they say they are sorry abusive nature is a chronic disease few are ever cured from my ex has been married 3 or 4 other times and they always end in less than a year due to this abuse.

Ok for the advice part this is what I suggest.
1st go to your local court house and apply for a D.B.A. (doing buisness as)
2nd apply for your 501 status with the IRS I am not sure what subtitle you fall into it maybe c but I am not sure this basicly is your non-profit organaztion status.
3rd when you have all of this you may be able to contact the goverment again and apply for grants. Apply 2 to 3 times atleast if they refuse you they don't like to give out this money but persistance is the key.
4th you can now leagaly do fundraisers so for free volunteers and to duplicate your self contact your local unions in different factories supermarkets shipping companies etc. especialy a female dominated factory (this is due to the fact your cause is going to touch home to more people there) ask them if they will help you raise money for your organazation they will then organize fundraisers such as bake sales and can drives etc. to help you raise money
5th publisize publisize publisize make fliers contact the paper tell your local news station make a website and publisize it this way you get members and people who can understand your cause to help you contact more places and publisize even more.

A couple things you need to do before you start this you have to have a constitution stating purpose and general functions member conduct etc and you have to set up a board with a president a v.p. treasurur and secratary you can fill all these positions yourself to start but I highly suggest you replace these positions a.s.a.p and appoint your self simply as director or you will become so bouged down with procedures and politics you wont have time to do what you set out to do.
well I hope this helps if you need any other advice on these areas post it or pm me

By the way I chose the qoute in my sig due to my situation I wrote above I believe you could relate read it if you like

[KungFuGrrrl]

Fushichou
Thank you for your story. maybe you can use your esperience to help others in similar situations.

I do have a non profit organiztion. My project is FOCUS; Friends Of Courage United Survivors. We are a project of Community Partners, they are an umbrella organization that incubates projects into bcoming np's in their own right.

I finally have a great fundraiser coming up. We are in partner with the Gene Bua Theater (they donated theater and acting company) to host the Vagina Monologues on Feb 1 and 2nd. This will be our first big fundraiser. Also My *story* will be in print in Kung Fu Qigong Magazine in the February issue, check it out.

Keep in touch and updated on how you are doing. Are you sure there is no way you can be a minister? taht is so sad. but there must be some way to redeem this.
I say I am happy for what happend to me because of that I am able to touch the lives of MANY.

KFG

[Fushichou]

thank you I am not sure what I can do I would be more than happy to try I am very busy i curently am working full time and taking care of foster kids but I will try to help just let me know but be forwarned I am blunt if I can't do it I will say I cant do it not to be mean but I have to becarefull of streatching my self to much but i would like to do what i can if you do run into men who have been through abuse let thme know their not alone it happens more than one would think men are just to stubron or pridefull to admit it. I will share my story with any one it will help it goes alot deeper but I tried to stick to a readers digest version. as far as ministry there are those who will let me be as long as I am what they want. but when you teach what the bible truely says they are a little more reluctant. I do what I can on my own now and keep away from affiliation and denomination like you have said the thing that tore me down built me up to a new better person with strengths I never knew. Well just let me know what I can do to help and perhaps i can share my story more to help those who need it let me know what you need.

[spooky]

I seen some police D.V.and I thing it is good to know the facts.surprisingly it turns out that there are more D.V. inflicted against men by women!They think the reson is that men look less macho if they report it?!

[Matt_Bernius]

I seen some police D.V.and I thing it is good to know the facts.surprisingly it turns out that there are more D.V. inflicted against men by women!They think the reson is that men look less macho if they report it?!Bull. Straight out propiganda. While there is a higher rate of DV of women attacking men than reported for the reasons that you suggest, it's still not equal or higher.

You can confirm this in reports such as:
Bureau of Justice Statistics report, "Female Victims of Violent Crime," 1996

Unless you can bring an actual govenment document, don't make such suprious claims.

- Matt

[Fushichou]

Bull. Straight out propiganda. While there is a higher rate of DV of women attacking men than reported for the reasons that you suggest, it's still not equal or higher.

You can confirm this in reports such as:
Bureau of Justice Statistics report, "Female Victims of Violent Crime," 1996

Unless you can bring an actual govenment document, don't make such suprious claims.

- Matt
Don't be so quick to expect a government document you speak of I don't know and don't claim to know the statistics but if other people in the government treat the cases the way mine was treated the government documentation is setting in a land fill some where with some overly obnoxious official laughing at the guy who made the report. if you didn't read my story the police officer actualy laughed at me when I tried to press charges. just something to think about.

[KungFuGrrrl]

ThereARE dv against men but 3 women a day DIE from this. STATE statistics. Check with your local law enforcement. I also am domestic violence peer counselor I do have the stats on my women.

[KungFuGrrrl]

Don't be so quick to expect a government document you speak of I don't know and don't claim to know the statistics but if other people in the government treat the cases the way mine was treated the government documentation is setting in a land fill some where with some overly obnoxious official laughing at the guy who made the report. if you didn't read my story the police officer actualy laughed at me when I tried to press charges. just something to think about.
I understand how you feel, Once when I called the cops the officer actually looked to me and said :no WONDER he beats you" so It does happen to women not all cops are supportive of women .

Take your experience and do something to help those men. make a difference.

[Matt_Bernius]

Don't be so quick to expect a government document you speak of I don't know and don't claim to know the statistics but if other people in the government treat the cases the way mine was treated the government documentation is setting in a land fill some where with some overly obnoxious official laughing at the guy who made the report. if you didn't read my story the police officer actualy laughed at me when I tried to press charges. just something to think about.I'm really sorry about your case. And note that I didn't suggest that female perpetrated violence doesn't exist. I simply stated that any of the projections that I have seen and in the research that I have done it's still placed behind male perpetrated violence.

Under reported or not, unless we're talking a BIG mangitude of error, it lags behind. Does that legitimize it? No. Does that make it less of an issue? No. And does that explain away the police's terrible treatment of you? Not a chance.

But stating that we've all been fed lies and that men far more often are the victims is not true. I know you were not. But arguments like the one I was refuting are counter productive to the entire process.

- Matt

[KungFuGrrrl]

While I am an advocate for survivors of domestic violenc, women and children. THere is still the issue of DV attacks on men.

Here is a link to a recent story:

http://rdu.news14.com/content/headlines/?ArID=60293&SecID=2

[Fushichou]

I don't believe d.v against men out number women and I know more women are killed than men but more men get shoved under the rug because most people don't believe it can happen you would take one look at me and say how? you could defend your self no problem but then I would have been setting in jail. D.V. is not fair to anyone no one deserves it my point is that the system is not egual in regards to men so you may not get an accurate count according to government documentation I also know women are not always documented and get pushed aside as for the pig who said you deserved it he probably beats his wife and should be setting in a cell himself. And I don't mean pig to be derogatory to all police officers just ones like those ones some of us have dealt with.