I Don't Want To!

[KickChick]

The "I don't want tos" ... or the "I can't!" How do you deal with it?

I spent a few hours today helping out at our school's week long Tae Kwon do camp for children ages 5 and up ... roughly 25 or so kids.

Todays camp highlight was board breaking 1/2 inch in 6 inch lengths for the little ones... the majority of kids get all excited to break or at least to try. This one little girl age 6 (gold belt) nearly wrapped herself around my leg and begged me not to have her break then the tears came to her eyes. Of course I said no you don't have to today, but you will have to try when you go for your next belt.

How do you get a student who absolutely refuses to "try"? (be it board breaking, sparring, .... whatever!)

[Bon]

I don't know,

but maybe you'd have an idea if you found the REASON why she didn't want to do it?

[Jim]

I usually take off my shoe and wave it menacingly... ;)

[Cain]

She wrapped herself around your leg? Hehehe - there's your weakness ;)

Show some strictness to the kid and make her try even if it's hardly nothing...

Or maybe some other kid instilled some other fear into her, ask her why..? but some kids have fear for no reason...I dunno I am not a expert...

|Cain|

[Patrick Bateman]

Make it all a game, lots of laughter and playing around, try and "hide" the martial arts in play sometimes. Bring out the attributes in the games.

Use peer pressure to a degree "little Johnny has done it, i bet you can too" That sort of thing.

[Knight_Errant]

peer pressure is evil :p
you have done a very good thing in not forcing the kid to do it. But I would suggest asking exactly why she doesn't want to do it. She is probably frightened. You need to remove that fear.

[timmeh!]

Along similar lines to Patrick Bateman and cain_charlie -
We had a case a few weeks ago where a student at her second class refused to do a forward roll because she said she almost broke her neck doing one when she was 5 or 6 (she's 19-20 now which didn't bode well for a life long affinity with Aikido...). This earlier session was under one of our Dan grades who helps out when our Sensei is away, the class was small with 4 or 5 people, 1 regular and 3 new starts + our 2nd Dan with more years of experience that he cares to admit to ;).
When our Sensei turned up the next week, he'd just introduced himself to her and didn't know about her aversion to the rolls and proceeded to teach them again to all the newbies - and lo and behold she starts rolling around (the class was also bigger with more regulars).
If some thing like that fails there's always Jim's shoe to wave menacingly!....
Actually, there might be another martial art waiting to be born there - 'the way of the menacing shoe wave'! (AiReeboka?!) :confused: :D

[KickChick]

Originally posted by Bon
but maybe you'd have an idea if you found the REASON why she didn't want to do it?



... well, trying to ascertain a "reason" from a 6 yr. old and you get everything from "because I don't feel like it" to (and she tried this one too) because "I have a bad cough".

But I find this, as timmeh! posted, not only pertinent to children. Several months ago we introduced self defense requirements in our curriculum. There were several adults that absolutely refused to take part in rolling, throwing, wrist locks etc..... "we never had to do them before why now?" I find it a welcome addition to our training and something that I have been hoping our instructor would do.
You are so right Knight_errant ... I try never to compare or pit child against child. Although I did show her how one boy who was littler than her ... went up and tried and succeeded in breaking because "he tried"! She came back with the response... well, he's a boy! ... which of course could of had me going with her for most of the afternoon! Argh!!!

"She wrapped herself around your leg? Hehehe - there's your weakness"... I suppose it is... but you cannot force a youngster to "perform" .. but those ideas brought up about making it fun is exactly what we do! This was a "camp" situation not a structured class....maybe that is why... no pressure. At least that is what I'm thinking. But I would think with less pressure there would be less stress.. I don't know...

We also have to bear in mind that martial arts may not be a good choice for most people. Some people may never get past those limitations they put upon themselves.... and others surprise us and themselves with their accomplishments.

[Knight_Errant]

heh heh.. Bu then again, they're only kids. I say, just make sure she knows it's ok she didn't do it and don't worry about it. For some reason, the duke of edinburgh's award association has the idea that I'm good with kids, so...

[Kinjiro Tsukasa]

It's sad how girls pick up the "well, he's a boy" attitude so young in life (did you point out to her that you're a "girl", and do breaking?) This attitude sets them up for all sorts of unnecessary limitations in life. That being said, if she's willing to participate in the rest of the class activities, I would let her get by without doing the breaking; after all, she's only six. If she's unwilling to do other techniques as well, then I would wonder whether she really wants to be in a martial arts class. I'd like to believe that all kids in MA classes are there because they want to be, but I imagine that's not always the case.

With older people, different story. They should at least try everything they're physically capable of. They need to have an open mind (so what if they've never done something before; doesn't mean they shouldn't try it now). If the problem is fear, then breaking down a technique (a particular type of roll, for example) into small, manageable steps may help.

Funny you should mention wrist locks -- this was the very first thing I learned in my Budo Taijutsu class; good thing it didn't scare me off!

[Knight_Errant]

No man is a whole man unless he sees women as both people and equals. Just thought I'd mention it.

[Bon]

And no woman is a lady worth knowing unless she wants equality in all areas, not just certain areas that suit her so we're left to pay for dates, etc. :D

[Knight_Errant]

bourgeois crap

[Anne]

You guys trying to pick up the ladies with those lines? ;)

You can't push a 6-year-old to do something she doesn't want to, and you also can't count on her to maintain this opinion. I agree with Patrick, make it all fun, not threatening at all, and she'll come around. Her parents probably have her in TKD just so she gets some exercise, maybe learn a thing or two, her progression in belts probably isn't a problem for them. If she actually still won't break the board, that's ok, because she's 6 and allowed to be irrational at times.

[Saz]

Bribery can work well, offer her sweets or some part of training she likes doing if she has a go at it.

She is just 6. I'd have been frighten to punch a piece of wood at that age. Maybe she's just underconfident and doesn't believe she's as good as the other kids.

[Chlo]

At 6 if she really doesn't want to I don't think you should make her, it's very young and being pushed into doing it could put her off big time. If like you say she'll have to do it for the next belt maybe leave her til then and like as not she'll try to keep up with the others on her belt......