karatekid
22-Jul-2003, 04:53 PM
Enjoy, the embarrassing words that follow
Ever Want to Curl Up and Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word . he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically,
and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and
was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld (go figure)
Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts.
"My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
Priceless
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone,
a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
Ask a child the same question too many times...
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and
she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept
thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have
an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
Ever Want to Curl Up and Die?
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word . he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
Pad, please!
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow
as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He
came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC
Ho, Ho, Ho
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so
well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically,
and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and
was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my
reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera!
Name Withheld (go figure)
Lady Golfer
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety
of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at
your nuts.
"My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned
beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I
saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were
doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.
Amy Richardson; Stafford, Virginia
Priceless
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got
up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed
out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER
SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone,
a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN
WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
Ask a child the same question too many times...
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on
him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It
was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and
she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept
thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have
an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30
people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled
up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking
me for the best laugh they'd ever had!