In case of terrorist attack

[YODA]

Instructions from http://www.ready.gov/



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If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

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In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.

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If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

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Don't get trapped under stuff.

[YODA]

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If your dumb ass does get trapped under stuff, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.

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In the event of emergency, find a 3-story, 10-foot-high building. The midgets inside will be sure to help you. Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch.

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In this time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! Fish and poultry may be terrorists.

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If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

[YODA]

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Pose for a picture with your faceless family!

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Your garage is a mess. Clean it out.

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When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few example of high value, low effort

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In event of emergency, exit in every direction at once to confuse the enemy.

[YODA]

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If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

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If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop

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After consuming bean burritos, you can avoid the worst of the odors by crawling on the floor.

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Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run for it!

[Jim]

Yoda said...
Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch.
Sounds like good advice right there... :D

[darlph]

Just where in the world do you find these things?

[Jim]

What, the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch?