Duck Joke

[Saz]

A ducks walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''

The duck thanks the barman and leaves. The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks 'Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartenders says no.

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

[Saz]

A guy walks into a bar holding three ducks. He sets them on the bar and orders a drink. After talking with the bartender for a while, the man excuses himself to use the restroom. The bartender feel a tad awkward with just himself and three ducks at the bar, so he decides to make small talk with them.

He asks the first duck, "What's your name?"
"Huey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Oh, I've had a great day," replies Huey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."

The bartender asks the second duck, "What's your name?"
"Duey," replies the duck.
"So, how's your day been?"
"Fantasic" replies Duey. "I've been in and out of puddles all day."

So the bartender says to the third duck, "So I guess your name is Louie?"
The duck replies, "No, I'm Puddles. And don't me ask how my frigging day's been"

[Saz]

This duck comes into a bar and asks for a beer. In amazement, the bartender exclaims, "HEY. you can talk!"

"Yes, I do. So what?" asks the duck as he flies up to the stool.

The bartender asks what else the duck does.

"I work across the street doing construction on the new building going up, and I'd like to come here during lunch to have a beer once in a while."

The bartender says that it would be fine with him, so the duck comes in day after day during lunch for a brew.

Then one day the circus comes to town and the ringmaster comes into the same bar, but he's there earlier than the duck's usual time.

The bartender finds out this guy is the ringmaster of a big circus and says: "Hey, you ought to check out this talking duck that comes in for a beer everyday around lunchtime!"

"Really?" Asks the Ringmaster. "I could sure use one of those. Tell the duck that if he wants to make a lot more money than he makes now, to come by and see me." Then, after drinking his beer, the ringmaster leaves the bar and heads back to work.

So the duck comes in to the bar that day at lunch, and the bartender jumps up and tells the duck the good news.

"Hey, the circus is in town and their ringmaster wants you to be part of their circus for MORE BUCKS than you're getting now!!"

The duck says, "Wow, that's great! But is it that big event down at the fairgrounds with the high-top deal?"

Bartender says "Yeah, so what?"

The duck cocks his head and inquires further, "It's that event with the CANVAS tent, right?

Bartender asks, "Yeah, so?"

"Well, what the heck does he want with a plasterer?"

[Spike]

A man walks into a bar with a duck under one arm and a biscuit tin under the other, he sits down at the bar, puts the tin on the bar and puts the duck on the tin, at which point the duck starts doing a little jig.

The man orders a drink and eventually the barman syas

"I`m sorry but I have to ask, what`s with that duck?"

The man replies "I dunno, it just does this"

Eventually the barman, convinced it`ll draw a crowd, buys the duck from the stranger.

the stranger leaves and sure enough when word gets round the bar gets busy, until last order, when the barman starts to wonder how he gets the duck to stop dancing.
the barman phones up the man and says

"thanks for the duck but how do I get it to stop dancing."

"Oh that`s easy, take it off the biscuit tin, take the lid off the tin and blow the candle out