The softer aspect

[Tittan]

If this has been discussed earlier, please leave a link and close this topic.

I've been to a lot of martial arts seminars, classes and discussions, and most of the time people ask questions like: "What do I do if someone jump me with a knife?" or "What is the best way to disable an attacker?" Other questions might be: "How do we best train for the unexpected?" or "How do I do stress-training/adrenaline training?"
After those questions have been asked, you find two kinds of instructors (the first ones being the worse in my book!):
1. The instructor who answer: "That's not what we're here to do. Shut up and pay attention!"
2. The instructor who answer: "I can show you, but first let's finish what we're doing."

Let's follow the second instructor. He's finished the topic he was teaching, and now the focus is 100% on the self defence situation. Most of the seminars I've attended have had this part. You pair up and practice drills to disable an opponent. The faster the better, else you'd get hurt yourself, right?
"Hit him in the thorax!"
"Kick him in the groin!"
"Use your thumbs in his eyes!"
You know? The ultimate self defence situation, where there are no rules, where it's live or die... But, I've got a question for you! And it's something I hope you'll think about before you answer, because this is something I take seriously!

What if... (yeah, I know...) What if the attacker is your best friend? What if someone has drugged his beer? Or if he's just so wasted on drugs, alcohol or whatever that he doesn't recognize you? You don't want to kill your best friend? I can promise you, the adrenaline rush is as high as if the attacker is someone you've never seen before in your life, but this time it is your best friend, the guy that was your best man in your wedding, the godfather of your kids, your childhood buddy. How do you stop him from killing you?

(I do hope you understand the question, and that you don't flame me or anything, because this is something that has happend to me and I had no idea about what to do...)

[cybermonk]

I have never experienced something like the situation you portray, however, I can give you my personal oppinion which of course could be wrong but thats a risk we all take, right?

I believe when something like that above mentions happens is when real, refined skill comes into play. I dont know how to explain it properly so lets say we are at a shotgun range where they shoot those flying disks, many would say it takes real skill to hit the disk, but it takes a lot more skill to shoot close enough to the disk to only scratch it without breaking it. Thats the best I could do...sorry if it sounds stupid but althought I could picture the situation I cant really explain it properly, maybe someone here could do a better job. Hope it helped a bit.

[Judderman]

An interesting question. I would ask myself one (or both) of two questions. Firstly you like your friend enough not to hurt them, but are they providing you with the came concern, thus who is more important? Secondly why does this "softer" approach only apply to friends? Why should a lesser moral implication be applied to someone because they are a stranger? Afterall the consequences will probably be the same.

[Tittan]

AnSecondly why does this "softer" approach only apply to friends? Why should a lesser moral implication be applied to someone because they are a stranger? Afterall the consequences will probably be the same.
Good question! I was really thinking about those people as well, as they file under people that aren't going to kill you if you don't give them what they want. (As a mugger might do...)

[Judderman]

Unfortunately it can be very difficult to decide what will kill you and what won't. Generally muggers are more interested in your property than you, however, like ever fight, the potential for death is very high.

I appreciate the question though, it is a refreshing change from the "KILL THE B*******!!" theology that is often banded about. Perhaps you would be interested in this article (http://www.martialartsplanet.com/forums/showthread.php?t=16862) posted by Vanir.

[Tittan]

Thanks for the link, it will be an interesting read tomorrow.

About my initial question. Please understand that I'm from one of the countries in Europe where guns are all but banned (you need a licence, you need a permit to carry the gun, and you're supposed to carry the ammo in a seperate place, and only if you're going out hunting or to the range), petty criminals don't use them that much, at least not where I live (it might be they are heavier armed in the capital though). The knife is banned unless it's shorter than 4 inches (I think) or part of a national costume, and violence only happen when people have drunk a lot. (Something they tend to do every weekend...) In a place like a big american city I guess things are a bit different...

Anyway, the real question is this:
If all you ever train is hard self defence and your friend attack you (either drunk or maybe he's trying to give you a scare in an alley) wouldn't you be in some trouble because all you know is how to disable a person by inflicting some sort of trauma?

Personally I've taught my students to "Look then punch." The eye and mind recognise a familiar face quite fast, and I don't think having a look before you punch (or use another technique) will set you back that much. There even are drills for it you know...

[KickChick]

What if... (yeah, I know...) What if the attacker is your best friend? What if someone has drugged his beer? Or if he's just so wasted on drugs, alcohol or whatever that he doesn't recognize you? You don't want to kill your best friend? I can promise you, the adrenaline rush is as high as if the attacker is someone you've never seen before in your life, but this time it is your best friend, the guy that was your best man in your wedding, the godfather of your kids, your childhood buddy. How do you stop him from killing you?


You bring up a very good question regarding what I would call a more "humane" self defense .... tactics that are often taught to law enforcement individuals but I have seen counters taught in 'certain' self defense seminars that nullify the actions of your attacker and place the them under your control or keeping them at bay for you to walk away from situation.... which you really shouldn't have found yourself involved with in the first place.

You can also learn some "humane" pressure point self defense which is extremely effective .

See? You even have to crosstrain in various areas of self defense in order to be prepared for whatever comes your way.